more angela medical junk

i dont know where to begin, so i'll just dive in.

i know everyone keeps telling me to file a complaint here, call this person, call these people, send an email online here, you need a lawyer, blah blah blah... do this this this... my head is spinning and i am going to explode! i have enough stress trying to deal with my medical issues and daily physical limitations... all this paperwork is driving me more mad! i know i need to get it all done. but at this point i honestly dont think i am going to save my job by april.

i keep making phone calls and phone calls and emails and faxes... but if these people dont reply to me in a timely manner, i am screwed. so it's not that i am not doing what i need to do... it's that the people i need help from arent cooperating. it is not my fault if a doctor reschedules an appointment, or i just can get in for another month. it is not my fault if i call and call every single office every single day and still no one has answers or medical records or my medical leave extension application isnt filled out. it is not my fault if i leave message after voicemail after message and no one calls me back. none of this is my fault! i know this! but, honestly, am i suppose to sue everyone?

i spoke with my medical leave rep yesterday. i was hoping she could help me with some much needed answers. she couldnt. and really, wouldnt. she said that actually she is no longer my rep. she said that she was my rep during my first application for medical leave extension. however, since i was denied, i now have to appeal. an appeal will consist of a new medical board and a new rep. but a new board and rep wont be assigned until i have submitted everything for my appeal. she said that once i send them a letter saying "this is the last of it, please start my appeal" then they will compile a board and give me a new rep. i asked her who is suppose to answer the questions i have now... she said i just have to send in everything i get or already have. i was like, wait wait wait... you have my entire file that started last april for medical leave that was approved, do i have to re-gather all that and submit it again? she said she couldnt answer that. what the fuck?! i said "so i'm just suppose to send in what may or may not be complete, on a hope and a prayer, and just wait?" she said, "well, if you are denied, there is a second level appeal." WHAT?! NO!!! i told her i dont have time for that! if i dont get this to turn in my favor by april 25th, 2010, i lose my job! i asked how long it takes the appeals board to make a decision... she said about 45 days. holy shit. this was the last straw before my breakdown yesterday.

additionally...
when i filed for financial assistance thru the state (for the first time in my life) back in october 2009, i was told the process should only take 30 days. well, it's been over 3 months and i still dont have anything. hell, my dhs case worker wont return my calls or emails. my employer wont fill out the form i need for dhs assistance. my employer says the form has to go thru a special service. a service, of course, that dhs so far will not honor. so at this point i havent been able to get any state assistance.

i have been fortunate enough that a few of my family and friends lend me money when they can. but i'm racking up some serious IOUs. i hate this. i NEVER ask for help or money. i'm always the one taking care of other people. i think i am most irritated that i am having to borrow from family and friends when i should be getting medical leave pay and state assistance. i have never ever filed for assistance. but i have paid in taxes all my working life. and from what i can tell, most of the people that are getting what was my hard-earned money, are people that take advantage of the system. now, now, calm down... i'm not saying if you are on state assistance you are taking advantage. but you know who i am talking about. the people that use their unemployment to buy smokes and alcohol... and yadda yadda yadda. i dont think i need to detail what you already know.

some people are asking me "why dont you just go back to work? show them you cant do the job." or "just go back to work and deal with the pain." well, for one, it is dangerous for myself and my co-workers. also, i dont have a specific job to go back to. after i had been off for 6 months, my job was given away. so, as my employer calls it, i am still "attached" to the company... but if/when i am able to come back, i have to apply for, interview for, and be awarded a new position within the company. but wait! i cant do that... why?... because since my extended medical leave was denied, i have been on UNexcused absence since september 2009. sooo... i NEED this medical leave extension appeal to be approved before april 25, 2010 or i lose my jobby job. i have been with this company for 7 years. i dont know what else to say about it.

thank you for reading all of these scattered thoughts i put out to the world that is cyber.
and thank you for your continued support and love.
i love you all oodles and bunches and i hope all is well with you and yours!
*hugs*
~angela