need some serious advice about a close friend

hey there punks and kittens~
i need some advice, help, something. a friend that is very very very dear to me, (we have been friends, literally, since before i can remember), found a lump in her armpit/breast area. she said it has been very painful. she does not have insurance, so she has been hesitant about going to the doctor. well, i adore this little lady and tried and tried to get her to just go, and we would figure out how to pay the doctor bills later. i didnt feel this was something to be taken lightly. a couple of weeks went by, and she still didnt go to the doctor. so, i called one of my doctors, pretended i was her, asked if they were taking mew patients, and made an appointment. i was able to get her to go to this appointment (prolly because i rode with her and wouldnt let her out of it). doctor said that there are actually 2 lumps. she said with the sick kids in the house, maybe she could have swollen lymph nodes. but that with the length of time they've been there, she should have a mammogram and possibly further testing. doctor said that the mammogram would be quite expensive without insurance, so she told her of a couple place that will do it based-on-income or free. well, it has been 45 days (since the dr appointment) and she has not been to any of these places for a mammogram AND she canceled her follow-up appointments with my doctor. i dont know what to do. she claims that one of the lumps seems to be gone. i just dont know what to do. when i was out this morning, i saw one of our mutual friends, and she asked about the results. i told her what is written above. i told her that if she could mention it or do anything to help me convince her, please help! do any of you have ANY thoughts or words of advice for me? i dont know if she is scared or what, but she has always been around to harp on me about getting myself healthy, so i dont understand why she wont take her own advice?! please please please if you have any ideas, i'll gladly hear them all! might i add, there has been a history of this sort of thing in her family. from what i understand, one of her cousins has had 4 lumps removed (over time) from the same area.
thanks so much for taking the time to read this and if you can offer any thoughts, advice, prayers... we would be so very grateful!
also, PLEASE, if you know who i am talking about, PLEASE DO NOT MENTION HER NAME IF YOU LEAVE A PUBLIC COMMENT! i am trying to respect her privacy... but if you see her in person, i wouldnt stop you if you mention that you care about her and she should get help. also, i will prolly print any comments i get, and show them to her. ah ha! intervention?! we'll see how far this goes.
thanks again!
much love!
be well!
~angela

Pa's mother passed away... and a note from me

I know it has been a while since I last updated. A lot has been going on... I just havent had time to sit down and complete the post I started a couple of weeks ago. With that aside for now, I wanted to let you know that my Pa's mother passed away on Friday.

For those of you that dont know, Brian is my "stepdad". I call him "Pa" and have let the "stepdad" title only be used to differentiate him from my Dad/Biological father to those that dont know them. But I am happy to say that I was lucky enough to get 2 dads in my life!

On a sadder note...
Here is the obituary that Pa and his family wrote for his mother who passed away on Friday http://tinyurl.com/Norma-Reed

If you would like to send a card, please let me know and I will private message you Brian's address. Or, if you would just like to send a quick email, I will print it and take it to him.

Also, I would like to note that as far as I have heard, Brian and only a couple of his siblings are able to help pay for Norma's services and funeral. I am not sure how much of this he would want me to share, but I would really like to help him (them) and I dont know how else to do that other than, well, to ask for help. The services and funeral are just shy of $10,000. We all know how tight things are right now. Heck, just in general, I cant believe how much they charge for all of the arrangements being made. Taking advantage of people, especially when they are going through something tragic like this, is just sick to me.

Brian and his sister, Connie, were able to find a funeral home that will allow them to make payment arrangements. However, payment arrangements or not, the bill is still almost $10,000 and that is a lot for anyone these days. We were not sure how to word it in the obituary, but if you would like to, and are able to, make donations to the cost of Norma's funeral, we would appreciate it more than we could ever express. I dont want to post their address online. But you can send me an email or note and I will private message you their address.

Thanks in advance if you are able to help - in any way! Even just happy prayers and thoughts are wonderful! I have told Brian about all of the comments and well wishes I have received on behalf of his family and friends. Brian is one of the sweetest, gentlest, kindest, most family-oriented people I have ever known. And I can 100% say he is THE most honest person I have known in my entire life. I am proud to call him my Pa. And it aches beyond measure that I cant take away his sadness and suffering of the loss of his mother.

Thank you for your love and condolences.
Much love.
Be Well.
~Angela

what's been going on... (medical update #7)

hey there punks and kittens~~
sorry it's taken me a while to get an update posted. there has been a lot going on. thanks for your patience.

my doctors and i dont believe the lidocaine/steroid injections and/or the lidocaine iv infusion treatments are really doing any good. in fact, most of the time i feel worse for days after treatments with no pain relief once the treatment effects wear off. doctors say that i am still pretty close to the baseline i was at when i first started seeing them. no improvement really. so this coming monday the 23rd will prolly be my last round of the lidocaine iv infusion. but they wanted to give it one more try.

many of you know that the neurologist i was seeing was a quack. i am seeking legal action against him. this is still in the beginning stages. and go figure, my employer's medical leave reps denied my application for extended medical leave based on what this fucking idiot that calls himself a dr had told them. thing is, i have letters and scripts in his handwriting that completely contradict what he wrote to the medical leave board. so now, i have to go thru the appeals process. they said could take from 30-180 days. and in the mean time i still have NO PAY. i told the claims rep i find it frustrating, ironic, and confusing that i have seen 16 doctors in this time off and they base their decision on the one idiot i saw that i am trying to sue. my luck is outstanding.

now my pain dr is referring me to a different neurologist at a different hospital. pain dr wants me to have another round of brain and spinal mri and emg. thing is, they cant see me until january 4th! the fact that this is taking so much time is hurting me a lot. as of april 2010, i no longer have a job. i only get 1 year of approved medical leave. and since my extended medical leave has been denied, now they have me on a temporary "personal leave". this is worse. this still keeps me attached to my employer, but i have NO pay AND i am now going to be billed for my health insurance. i know, i know, at least if have health benefits... but without pay, how do they expect me to pay for them?

i have moved out of my roommate situation and back to my house that i own. my sister and her kids were renting my house until they could get their own place. they moved out in october. just this last week i moved back in to my place. my roommate situation was getting out of control. i'm not going to express all the details... but it was not a good situation... and in fact, i think it was a huge additive to my already high stress and anxiety levels.

now i am back in the house that i own and am trying to sell. when i moved out of my roommate situation last week, i put everything in storage. so the only stuff in this house is me, my dogs, my nephew's old bed (which the dogs and i are sleeping in!), and the dining room set i am trying to sell. hoping that the first week of december will be ready for open houses. i'll keep you all posted. i'm trying to sell it by owner right now. i just want to get out of it. i dont want to have to upcharge a ton of money just to pay a realtor. we'll see how that goes. i am also trying to sell the fridge and stove/oven if you or someone you know might be interested.

my pa's (stepdad) mother is in the hospital with a lot of cancer and is not doing well at all. "they" dont think she will make it to the end of the year. i hate when they try to tell someone "you only have this much time left". they dont know. we dont have expiration dates. and i think if you tell someone they only have a certain amount of time, they get that in their head and heart and maybe dont try because they are counting down the days. it's a miserable situation. brian (my stepdad) has been at the hospital non-stop. he's suffering very deeply about this. without going in to their family dynamics... brian lives the farthest away and has been camped at the hospital... while her immediate family that lives just minutes away hardly stop in once a week. brian's heart is just breaking. and there is nothing any of us can do to make any of this better for him or his mother. it's just so sad.

i had another round of ultrasounds yesterday to recheck the ovarian cysts. i wont go in to the gory details. i dont get the results until december 4th, but the tech said it looks to her like the huge cyst on my left ovary might be getting smaller. they said that cysts can disintegrate... but that it'll be happily unusual if this one (because of the size - the cyst is the same size as my ovary) disintegrates rather than ruptures. i've had some pain for a couple of weeks, but they said it could be slowly breaking apart rather than one huge excruciating rupture. i can do without the excruciating! so, fingers crossed, this will get rid of itself.

there is more going on... but i'm kinda tired of typing right now. i know things seem to be crazy for so many people right now. i see posts on twitter, facebook and myspace and i am astounded by all of the miserable situations people are having to deal with. broken hearts, broken homes, illness, death, medical, financial, emotional... i just wish the best to each and every one of you. i love you all dearly, and even though some of us only chat online, i still cherish any contact i can get with you. (even though i would much rather give you each *hugs* in person!)

take care of you and yours.
much love.
be well.
~angela

requesting positivity & peace for my friends & family

hey there friends and family~~
i would like to take some time to request your support for some people that are very important in my life. anything you want to send, whether it be good vibes, thoughts, prayers, meditations, smoke signals... whatever... these people could really use some positive power.

My sister, Heather.
Heather is a private person, so i will respect her privacy and not give details. Heather has some could-be-serious medical stuff going on with herself recently. i went with her to a doctor appointment yesterday, and they want her to get some tests in the next couple of weeks then she will be seen again in about 2 weeks for a recheck and test results. i absolutely treasure my sister, and so very much want her to be happy and healthy.

My Pa and his family.
Brian is my "stepdad"... but he is really more like a 2nd dad to me. His mother is extremely ill with cancer. I wont go in to details, but she is not doing well. As any family would, they are struggling trying to wrap their heads and hearts around this miserable illness and what it has done, and continues to do, to their family. To make matters worse, we got a phone call today that Brian's grandfather has cancer. G'pa will be going to the V.A. Hospital, from what I understand. Everyone in this world is important to someone. Brian is, beyond words, important to me. I cant stand to see him suffer, as he cant stand to see his mother and grandfather suffer, and not be able to do anything about it. cancer is a miserable miserable scum.

My Niece, Aubriana.
Aubriana will be 4 years old in January. she is the youngest of my sister's 3 children. she is also the 3rd of the 3 to be diagnosed with epilepsy (my sis has epilepsy as well). they say it is a freak occurrence that my sister and all of her children have it. Aubriana had her first EEG last week and they have started her on depakote, which is also what Alexa (her 6 year old sister) is on. all of these kids have been so strong, and such troopers considering all they have to go through and so little that they can understand. learn more about epilepsy.

My little cousin, Leah, and her family.
Leah is 5 years old. Halloween 2008 Leah was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). they were told she would have to undergo about 2 years of treatment. hopefully, they are 1/2 way through at this point. she is an amazing child with a spectacular spirit! recently, her ANC levels have been far below what they need to be. she has clinic every tuesday. her ANC needs to be over 1,000... 3 weeks ago her ANC was 456. 2 weeks ago it was 119. 1 week it was 200. this is the update Leah's mom (my cousin Sarah) sent us "Counts are still low today. We are holding chemo for another week. If her ANC is still low next week then they'll do a bone marrow to verify that nothing abnormal is going on. There continue to be no abnormal cells in her blood though. Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to pray for her." for more Leah updates, please check out their family blog here.

My good friend, and a splendid artist, Jess. i dont know how much of her story i am at liberty to discuss. but please please please send her some good vibes! *hugs*

My friend, Jennifer.
her father, who was a co-worker of mine, and he was a super sweet guy... passed away friday morning about 930a from lou gehrig's disease. i believe he was just diagnosed june 2009. i wasnt able to make it to his funeral, but i heard it was beautifully done.

Justin Meldal-Johnsen (most recently of Nine Inch Nails) is a spectacular musician that i absolutely adore. his mother, Marcia Smith, passed away from multiple myeloma on november 1st. after unexplained pain for months on end, she was diagnosed september 10, 2009 as stage III, the most advanced. Justin posted this "By way of explanation: http://bit.ly/D5qdH." via the Nine Inch Nails forum. late last night / early this morning he posted this on his twitter "Thanks for kindness. My Mom passed away 11/1 after intense and courageous battle with cancer. Deeply grateful for support. Time for healing."

and, for now, last but not at all least...

a very special little boy, Noah, who is 5 years old is losing his fight to nueroblastoma. His family is going to celebrate Christmas next week. Noah would like to have Christmas cards. He loves getting mail! Help us make this possible please! Send your Christmas card to:

Noah Biorkman
1141 Fountain View Circle
South Lyon, MI 48178

***i just wanted to add a note. this is a real story. my ma's best friend knows Noah's family. it is so sad what these poor children, or anyone living with cancer, has to go through.***

thank you to each and every one of you that help send positivity and peace into the world.
much love to you and yours.
be well.
~angela

ps: i got my referral in the mail today from my soon-to-be new neurologist. they sent me a packet to fill out. however, it says that my new-patient appointment isnt until january 4, 2010 at 8a. i'm going to call. i hope they can put me on a cancellation list or something. i'll keep you posted.

medical update on the kids in my life...

i dont normally use pink text, but i will today for these little girlies!
my little 3 year old niece, Aubriana, has been undergoing testing for epilepsy diagnosis. my sister, her son (Austin 14), and her older daughter (Alexa 6) all have epilepsy. Aubriana has been experiencing seizures, so sis got her right in for testing. yesterday she had her first EEG and she did awesome! today she had to go in for breathing treatments and as a result, she had multiple seizures. she was in a controlled environment, but it's still a scary thing. heather (my sis) said that she had one that knocked her out cold and for longer than she has ever been out before... so, i'm sure needless to say, she was scared. we all are. heather says dr is probably going to put Aubriana on the same medication that Alexa is on. Austin is now 14 and was able to get off of his epilepsy meds a couple of years ago. hopefully the girls will "grow out of it" as well.

to learn more about epilepsy, please go to http://www.talkaboutit.org/


as all tuesday's are, today was clinic day for my little 5 year old cousin, Leah, who is battling acute lymphoblastic leukemia. she was diagnosed over halloween last year.

2 weeks ago her ANC was 456. 1 week ago it was 119. this week it is 200. the thing is, her ANC needs to be over 1,000!

please visit my cousin Sarah's blog here for their family updates.



also, my sister's live-in boyfriend has a son that was just diagnosed yesterday with swine flu... and his other son has been feeling sick, but not yet diagnosed. between my sis and her boyfriend they have 5 kids in the house.

please keep all of these little ones in your thoughts, prayers, meditations or whatever it is you do... they need some happy healthy strong vibes!

***this added wednesday 28 oct 09 - 742a - i found out my cousin ShawnDe has swine flu circulating in her household. she lives in north carolina with her husband, daughter, and 2 sons. from what i have heard, my cousin does not have it but her husband and kids do. add them to your good vibes list!***

i will not stop what is in my heart

tomorrow will mark 12 weeks since Pablo's passing from cancer. he was 6 years and 6 days old. i followed his story for over a year and became very attached to his beautiful Spirit. i am not posting reminders of death... rather, hopes, that his memory and life are not forgotten and his Spirit can live on in the fight for all children, families, and friends that suffer from this terrible disease. i have a little cousin, Leah, who was diagnosed last november with leukemia. i have been trying to start a fund in Leah's name. however, the banks are making me fight redtape since i am not an immediate family member. i am working with Leah's parents (my cousins) in an effort to help ease their financial burdens so they can focus on what is more important than the money - their Family. i look forward to helping Leah and any and all children that are living with cancer. the bulletins i post regarding the Pablove Foundation / Pablove Across America are all about how Pablo's family are still raising money and awareness and helping every single child they can, in memory of Pablo, in honor of Pablo. for all we know, their efforts in Pablo's honor could help cure our Leah. i hope and pray for that every day.


my dog, KaiYin, is 9 years and 9 months old. she was diagnosed with cancer when she was 3 years old. she has had 6 surgeries in 6 years. no, she is not "just a dog". she is my dog. my dog-ter. my baby girl. my best friend. and like many kids with cancer, she doesnt let it get her down. she plays and runs and jumps and lives and loves. i will fight for her with everything in me. KaiYin has been home 8 days since her 6th cancer surgery... and she proudly sports her Pablove shirt to cover her incision areas while she is healing.

i know that i have a good heart and honest intentions to make this world better in some small way. nothing was ever mentioned when i posted Pablo notes while he was alive. now, he has only been gone 3 months, and people want me to stop talking about him. i will not stop talking about Pablo, or Leah, or children's cancer. i will not stop trying to raise awareness and help these children that cannot help themselves.

if you do not want to read what i write to know or learn who i am as a person, what i believe in as a human being and what i feel in my heart... then dont click the links, dont open the notes, dont friend me on myspace or facebook, dont follow me on twitter.

i'll end this post with and excerpt from the Pablove Foundation Mission Statement:

"Every year, the Pablove Foundation gives money to improve the lives of children with cancer, at both a national level as well as a local level here in Los Angeles. As we carry out our mission, we wave a flag for anyone to see. On it are these words: Kids get cancer too. They need your help. It’s not somebody else’s problem."

KaiYin Is Home From Her 6th cancer Surgery

(backstory) Summer of 2000 I decided that I really wanted to have a dog. I was working at an animal hospital. Earlier that year I had to make the heart-breaking decision to put my cat, Jenae, to sleep. She had undergone 2 exploratory surgeries, 3 months on a feeding tube, and countless tests. I was giving Jenae injections at home 3 times a day as well as maintaining her feeding tube schedule, because I could not stand to have her in the hospital, away from me all the time. I took care of her for as long as I could at home, before she was finally admitted to ICU at the animal hospital where I worked. One of the toughest decisions in my life was knowing when to let Jenae go. She was in so much pain. I held her in my arms and told her I loved her over and over as they put the "sleeping meds" in her iv. Jenae was only 4 years old. Since her "illness" still had not been determined, I requested a necropsy be done. The results came back that she had a rare liver disease that is unique to large, wild cats such as lions and tigers. A small decimal percentage of domesticated cats develop this disease. Unfortunately, Jenae was one of them.
I had been paying as we went with Jenae's medical bills... and I was thankful that my employer at the animal hospital gave me discounts when they could. After Jenae had passed, I still had over $2,000 in medical bills for her. My employer found a way that between the two of us it could somehow be rolled in to their / my taxes and I just paid the taxes on it. Anywhom, what I am getting at is... there is nothing I will not do to help my animals or any animal for that matter. Originally, Jenae belonged to a friend of mine from high school. He joined the military shortly after she was born and when he left, I said I would take care of her. So my folks drove her to me from 5 hours away! Jenae is still a warm, fond love I will always have. Jenae was by far one of my greatest friends and I miss her every day.

I told you that to tell you this story is about KaiYin. My gorgeous, adorable, lovable, strong, faithful canine friend ~ KaiYin. After Jenae's passing, I didnt feel right getting another cat so soon. I was raised with dogs, but they were my father's hunting dogs and they slept outside in a kennel. The hunting dogs werent really for play with the kids... but we would take them on walks once in a while and hang out with them. Anywhom. I wanted a dog. My roommate at the time was not very keen on the idea, but I knew that my dog would be around longer than my roommate, so my mind and heart were set. I started looking at kennels, breeders, boxes of puppies "for free", any doggie you can think of, I looked at it! (it was very hard not to take all of them!) I would make rounds on my way home from work and on the weekends looking at all the pounds and kennels and rescues and such. I really wanted to have a dog for my birthday in August. But August came and went and I still had not found exactly who I was looking for. Finally, in October, I found her. I was walking through a rescue and saw the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen on a doggie. She was very skinny and somewhat shy. Her kennel name was "Elle" and she was 10 months old but only weighed 23 pounds (she now weighs 48 lbs.) I asked to walk her. So she and I went for a walk and attempted play in the grass. But she was guarded at that point. I was told that she is an American Dingo and that she had been abused by her previous owner. I had to have her. I had to save her and make her a happy dog. I could see in her eyes that she really wanted to be a happy dog! Those outstanding green eyes! So I applied for her and had to wait 24 hours while they did background checks and such. I also had to come in for a animal ownership course thing. After a couple of days she was able to come home with me!

I was sooo excited! I had purchased everything a doggies heart desires. The house and I were ready for her. Once I got her home, my roommate said that he didnt want her roaming freely in the house when we werent around. (he owned the house and i was renting from him) Anywhom, I had purchased a crate so that she could be crate trained - but I was completely against this idea. Well, the first night she cried A L L night and even peed and pooped in the crate, as well as, she kicked it all out of the crate and onto the wall! I-told-him-so. He was not amused. I never put her in the crate again. She slept with me or next to my bed on a doggie bed. (Now you would think *I* sleep with *her*... the bed belongs to my doggies and I squeeze in where I can!)

After about 2 weeks I still had not named her. I went through baby name books and websites... I wanted just the perfect name for her. Somehow I was calling her "girlfriend" until one day on the back porch I realized she was answering to "c'mon girlfriend, lets go inside" So, I knew I had to dedicate some more time to finding her name. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was hers...

KaiYin: (translation)
English = Celebrated Child.
Nigerian = Faithful Dog.
Arabic = Friend.

It was perfect!

Cut to 2.5 years later. KaiYin was now about 3 years old and we had moved 6 times in 3 different states. I was at home, grooming her, and I noticed a little bump on her left side between her back leg and ribcage area. I took her to the vet immediately. They said it was prolly just fatty tissue. She was scheduled for a dental anyway, so I asked for the vet to remove it when she was under for the dental. So they did. However, the vet that I liked, that I thought was doing the surgery, was not the one that did the surgery. It was the vet in that office that I dont like. Grrr. He only removed the lump itself without margins under the assumption it would be fatty tissue. I requested that he send it to a lab to find out (this is a small town we live in now). Bad vet said that it would cost about $50 for lab workups. I said I didnt care, I wanted to know what it was. So they sent it off and it came back... cancer. Go fucking figure. Good vet called me and explained that what would happen is this: the cancer cells in the margins that were not removed will gradually form a new mass. When that happens, they will remove it with large margins. I was still upset, but understood there was nothing else to be done at that point. So I had to wait. Wait for this terrible thing to happen again. She went through this 2 more times and I wont get into all the details, but lets just say that the good vet quit that animal hospital due to the result of something the bad vet did, and now KaiYin has surgeons out of state that we drive over an hour one-way to see. But they are worth it! So, this all started when KaiYin was about 3. KaiYin is now almost 10. It's so hard for me to think of her being *that* old. She has no gray hair and she certainly does not act like and old dog! I dont even believe that she knows she is *sick*. She has never paid any attention to the tumors when they form and she is SOOO well-behaved and tolerant of her surgeries. She's amazing!

Well, this is her 6th surgery in 6 years. I have easily spent well over $10,000 on this doggie for her surgeries alone. But she is worth every penny and more. I will do all I can for her. She is my dog-ter! My kid! My best friend! I have a thing about numbers and slight superstitions. I was born on Friday the 13th so I have always believed it is lucky for me. Well, KaiYin had her surgery on 09.09.09 and she is 9 years and 9 months old. I tried to think of that as a good sign after we dropped her off to the animal hospital Wednesday. When we picked her up yesterday, she was sooo happy! She is just an all around happy dog! You would think she doesnt even know she has staples holding her together for the next 2 weeks. She just wants to play and love! And I love that about her!

A little over a year ago I somehow came across the story of a boy named Pablo who had just been diagnosed with Wilm's tumor. I have followed Pablo's story religiously. I do believe "pablove" has become my religion. If you dont know what I am talking about, I am not sure how to explain it. It's feelings and love and faith in humanity, I suppose. There really are no words for it... but Pablo's dad, Jeff, does a beautiful job of putting it all into words on the PABLOg!
Little Pablo lost his battle with cancer this summer. He was only 6 years and 6 days old. I never got to meet Pablo or any of his wonderful family in person, but I feel like they are part of my family, with all that they have shared with us through their website. When I was in LA a week ago that was the big thing on my to-do list: Visit Pablo. My friend, Michael, went with me and we visited Pablo at Forest Lawn Cemetery. I left flowers and cards and a few little pirate figurines I had found. Pablo loved pirates! Michael and I just hung out in the sun with Pablo, looking at the glorious mountains and clear sky and all the beauty surrounding Pablo's space. He's even got a nice shade tree growing next to him as well as a wall, perfect for his favorite Geronimo jumps!

Before we visited Pablo, Michael and I had a Pablo Day. We went to Trails for lunch (one of P's favorite places - we also went to dinner later that night at Malo, another of Pablo's favorites), then we went to the Dangerbird offices where Pablo's dad, Jeff, works... so we could see the pablove mural. While we were taking photos of the mural, Josh from Dangerbird noticed us and asked if we wanted some stickers. heck yeah! I love stickers and Pablo and spreading the pablove! It worked out perfectly because I wanted to go in the offices anywhom and ask about buying another Pablove shirt. This one was for KaiYin. Josh took care of us and then we were on our way to Forest Lawn. (pablove mural photos 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4)

When KaiYin gets out of surgery, they dont want her messing with her incision area so they usually put a wrap around her torso area. When I get her home, I usually change it out to a t-shirt. Now KaiYin has a Pablove shirt to wear! I know that Pablo loved doggies and I am sure that his Spirit is helping to heal my KaiYin. I really believe this.

KaiYin's incision / scars... photo 1 and photo 2 ... she has 1 huge surgical scar running parallel to the current incision, 2 toward her belly that run perpendicular, and 1 (not shown) on her chest.

When KaiYin goes back in 2 weeks for her staples to be removed, I will be talking with her vet surgeon about an animal Oncologist at Michigan State. I have no idea what this has in store for us, but from the sounds of it, doc thinks that maybe just a couple of rounds of radiation might blast this out of her system and she wouldnt keep getting the tumors. We can only hope. I hate to say it, but the only reason I have not taken her to the Oncologist so far is money. I just have not had the money. I, myself, had to have a pretty serious surgery a couple years ago and I am even now going through terrible health issues. I was off work from October 2008 - January 2009 and have currently been off work (on medical leave) since April 2009. I am not putting KaiYin aside due to my health issues, I am just trying to take care of both of us.

Loki, my 3 year 6 month old doggie, is going somewhat stir-crazy. She is English Setter mixed with Blue Heeler and all she wants to do is play play play with KaiYin! But she has been very well-behaved during this whole ordeal. I am very proud of her.

Thank you for all of your well-wishes and concerns. I tell KaiYin all the time how much everyone loves her and wants her to get better. Yes, I talk to my doggies. If you dont understand, maybe you should get a dog... they melt your heart... then you will understand!

I will post updates as I know more and as I feel up to it. Thanks for your patience with the gaps in my updates due to pain keeping me from the simplest things, including typing. (read my medical update blog posts for more information)

I love you all oodles and bunches! Dont forget to tell your loved ones that... every single time you see them and / or talk with them. I'll leave you with something I wrote in a journal years ago:

"For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in you...like each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted."

angela medical update with some significance

well, i do have a bunch to tell about my LA trip last week... but right now i have medical stuff weighing on my mind, and folks asking about it, so i'll get that out of the way now. i had my first appointment (today) at the Kalamazoo Anesthesiology Pain Clinic. i was very happy with the docs i met and interacted with. first they sent me in to the pain psychologist, he does just what it sounds like, he helps you emotionally handle the pain you are going through and what it is doing to your life. then i saw one of the pain specialists. he talked with me forever in addition to doing a basic pain exam. it was nice not to feel rushed out of the office! they dont believe all of my pain is related. they think there may be 2 or 3 different things going on, but they are going on all at once, so some docs are getting confused trying to find one diagnosis that covers everything. so what this doc is going to do is, try to relieve at least 1 portion of the pain ( i think just which ever one subsides with treatment ) and we hope that if one of the pains will go away, it will help to figure out what the other pains are and how to diagnose and treat the leftover pains. does that make sense to you? it makes sense to me... but i was also in the office for about 2 hours talking this all through! so, this is what my schedule looks like:

(today) tuesday 8th for pain clinic consultation

(tomorrow) wednesday 9th drop of KaiYin to the vet surgeon in ft.wayne for her 6th cancer surgery

thursday 10th if all goes well, bring KaiYin home from post-op

friday 11th appointment has been rescheduled for monday 14th
friday 11th i have my first appointment for "lidocaine infusion" iv. i'll be learning more about this and i guess it's not as scary as it sounds. ( but i'm still kinda freaked about it )

monday 14th i have my first appointment for "lidocaine infusion" iv. i'll be learning more about this and i guess it's not as scary as it sounds. ( but i'm still kinda freaked about it )

wednesday 16th i see the pain psychologist for about an hour, then after him i see the occupational therapist who should be giving me a TENS unit.

thursday 17th i see the pain doc for an "occipital nerve" block injection ( direct injection to the nerve in the lower back right side of my noggin ) as well as "trigger point injections" for the pain spots. yay.

tuesday 29th i again see the pain psychologist

meanwhile, pain doc prescribed me with "Elavil" to help me sleep. but pharm is closed so i wont have that until tomorrow. for the appointments when i am getting iv and injections, they gave me paperwork with strict rules that i must have a driver or my appointment will be canceled. i havent been driving anywhom, but i especially wont take any chances with all of this going on.

so, this is all i know. they dont have a diagnosis for me since they dont know what pains are related to each other or what caused them. i could go on and on about all of the things i've been going through since what seems to have been the onset in april, as well as new issues that have arisen, but i wont bore you all with the details. i'll try to keep this simple until we know more. pain doc mentioned that if all else fails, then we might discuss the Cleveland Clinic or Mayo. but that ( i believe ) is going to be a last resort kinda thing.

thanks to all of you for the well wishes, love and support you have given me! i really appreciate it! even if i dont write updates or return calls or emails right away, please know that i am thankful for all of you!
take care of you and yours.
be well.
~angela

( i'll try to post an LA update in the next few days! )


*updated* 10 sept 09 at 128p
my appointment for tomorrow (friday 11th) has been rescheduled for monday 14th. also, last night was my first night taking the Elavil for sleep. yeah, it didnt really work. i took it about midnight and was wide awake at 230a. blargh. i was in and out of sleep all night/morning. it is only 10mg and doc said i can take more than 1 if i think i need to... for those of you that know me, i despise taking meds. especially for things that i think should just be natural. i dont have problems going to sleep... i have issues staying asleep through the pain. so, that is my update for now. thanks again for all the well wishes. i'll keep updating as i know more. *hugs*