Showing posts with label medical leave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medical leave. Show all posts
10 January 2010
let's help each other!
it's pretty well known that i have been on medical leave for way too long. docs are still trying to figure me out. i have zero income right now. so, i am trying to think of creative ways i can make some money without hurting myself due to my medical restrictions. someone pointed out to me that i should do resumes for people. i love to do that sort of thing, and it's not physically strenuous. so, if you need a resume, let me know, and we can work something out. i do cover letters and all.
05 January 2010
5 days in and no change from 2009 to 2010
to be honest, i dont even know what to say. i mean, i know i can form the words to tell you what has happened in the first 4 days of what was suppose to be my new year with new hope and resolution. maybe 4 days isnt enough time to judge the remaining 361. but this year isnt turning around from the last, at all really.
note:
first part of this post is about my phone... so if you just want my medical update, scroll down!
thursday i was out with ma getting some groceries, and my phone died. again. same thing that happened last time. just went to a blank screen and would not reboot. since we were already out, ma took me to the sprint tech shop in kalamazoo. most of you know that kzoo is about an hour from my house. but it is also the closest tech shop for sprint phone repairs. also, most of you know that this will be the 5th phone replacement in 11 months. so, i took it in. dropped it off. suppose to go back monday to pick it up. since i didnt have a phone over the weekend, the sprint rep emailed me with this: "We are going to replace your phone, but we do have special instructions that we will need to discuss when you come in." what kind of special instructions? this was odd. but i guess i would just have to wait and see.
well, sunday morning ma wanted to go to kzoo to look for some after christmas sales. so i tagged along, and she took me to the sprint shop. they gave me my replacement phone, but said they dont know why this keeps happening. the first time it happened, it was on the charger, and when i took it off the charger, it powered down and never came back on. the tech said it was entirely NOT my fault. it looked like it was in the middle of an update and froze. i said i was never prompted for an update, and he said it was probably an auto-system update. this time it was sitting in my lap in the car, and when i went to use it, it didnt work. the "special instructions" were that i must have again interrupted an update which caused the phone to freeze. so next time i am prompted for an update, select "no" and bring the phone to the store so they can do the update for me. i told them that i was never ever prompted for an update. i asked "cant you look in your system and see the last time a system update was made on my phone?!" they said no. they dont have access to that. they added that this would be the last phone replacement they would do for me since i have had excessive replacements. i was like whoa whoa whoa! this was not my fault! i did not break my phone! if i did something, i would tell you. but i did NOTHING. i went down the list of the 5 times the phone has had to be replaced and the 4 different things that went wrong with each phone. NONE of them were operator error. it was all tech stuff. i also told them that i had seen 7 different sprint reps in 3 weeks trying to get this fixed and they all said it was nothing i did, and the phone just needed to be replaced, not repaired. so the customer service girl asked if i wanted to talk to a tech. hell yes! she took me to the back to the tech area. there was more than 1 person back there, so i just talked to everyone hoping someone would feel my pain and have a better solution. i said, so, what youre telling me is that you have never seen this happen more than once before, you dont know why it is happening or how, you have no way to search your system for recent updates on my phone, but you are so sure it was my fault, that you are telling me if anything, at all, ever goes wrong with my phone again, you will not replace it?! then they pawned it off on a tech that wasnt there saying maybe i should come back and talk with her the next day. i said yeah, i would come back, but that i would also be speaking with sprint corporate because this is completely miserable. i had asked before about getting a completly different model phone. i said i absolutely love this lg lotus (aside from the fact the camera has no flash), but if it's going to have all these issues, i guess i need something different and more reliable. i was told it's not the phone, they havent seen this many problems with the lotus, and that i am not eligible for an upgrade anyway, so i would have to pay street cost for a different phone. i told them that a rep i spoke to at a different sprint store told me about a "secret department" that i could call and tell my story to and they would give me some crazy upgrade for a phone that was practically filled with rocket science capabilities. i told her i dont need something expensive and fancy, i just want my lotus and i want it to work!
fine fine fine, i gave up the conversation and said i would just take the replacement lotus and deal with any other problems IF they happened. all the while in the back of my mind i was composing my conversation i would have with corporate. so, i get back to the front and the sales girl is replacing the phone. she says maybe this one wont have issues since it is new out of the box. i told her i had new out of the box before. she was like "really? i thought they just repaired before?" i said nooo, i have all the boxes and everything at my house.
-flashback to when i asked a guy if maybe their store had a bad batch of lotus phones or something along those lines and he told me "no. it doesnt work like that. i think you just have bad luck." and i nearly broke down crying in the store. me?! bad luck?! he didnt even know a fraction of how those words hurt me.
anywhom... so, the girl is replacing my phone and a tech comes out to the counter. says that his store manager was back there and heard our conversation and didnt like anything that he heard, so for me not to worry, if anything happens to my phone, they will take care of me. they will not turn me away. they will do anything they can to make this right. they dont want me leaving mad. i told them, i am not mad with each of them as individual people. i am just frustrated with this situation and that no one would be willing to help me further. he said not to worry, i would be taken care of. so that was a relief. then the girl started up my new phone, and forced updates so that they could do them there. they said i should only get them about every 6 months, but when i do, bring it to the store to be done. fine with me. so an hour later, i left with my replacement phone.
i was told before i left that since i now have wireless backup for my contacts, that my contacts should be back on my phone in about 30 minutes. well, 5 hours later they still werent there. so i called the store. they said well, maybe give it about 24 hours, if they still arent there, call back. and wouldnt you know it, about 5 minutes after i got off the phone with the tech, my contacts popped up. hmmm...
but, so far (only 2 days in) it is still working. fingers crossed.
wow. that was long-winded!
okay, now for the medical update.
i have been on medical leave since may 15, 2009. tons of symptoms, no one can figure out what is going on. it has been almost 8 months, i have seen 17 doctors, been given about 20 different prescriptions, tons of tests and trial treatments... nothing is helping. the first neurologist i saw, dr mahmood, was terrible. he slacked on everything. he would be late to the office and my appointments, take cell phone calls during my appointments, i would show up for appointments (over an hour away from my house) and i would be told he didnt come to work and i need to reschedule - but no one called me ahead of time to tell me not to come, he told me i did NOT need an appointment to get test results - that i should call his office in 4 days and they would decide then what to do - i called 29 times in 19 days then finally showed up in person and asked for the office manager and told her my situation and she said that the dr had my test results, but since he didnt sign them before he went on vacation, they could not release the results for me. then when i did get the results, i was scheduled for another appointment that got pushed out twice in 3 months. this is not everything, and i wont list all of his incompetencies, but the final straw for me has been that i have 3 letters in his handwriting that write me off work due to disability, which i submitted to my employers medical leave center, but when the medical leave center sent him paperwork to fill out for my leave, he wrote that he had never taken me off work, and left the remainder of the forms incomplete. when i called his office about this, i was told that my medical records file was misplaced. needless to say, i have been talking with lawyers about him. but right now i dont have the money to do anything about it. so, my medical leave rep sent me a letter that my claim has been denied based what dr mahmood submitted. now i am in the appeals process, without pay, and if i am not able to return to work or get extended disability approved but april 2010, i am "separated" from the company.
two months ago i was referred to a new neurologist at a different hospital. dr jewett. yesterday, january 4th, 8a, was my appointment. they sent me a new patient packet i had to fill out and bring with me. so i did. i got there early. when i told the girl at the desk my name, she said she couldnt find me on the list, but that she was just filling in and the regular girl would be right back. i had a seat. then heard whispering and my name for a few minutes. i was called back to the window. they told me that on november 2 someone from their office rescheduled me for december 14 and i was a no show. what the heck?! nooo way! i was not at all happy, but i tried to stay calm. we'll figure this out. it's a new year and i need a new approach to things. they told me to have a seat while they sort it out. so i did. finally they called me back to a room. the nurse explained that on november 2 someone in their office called and left me a voicemail that my appointment had been changed to december 14. she also said that the dr was booked, so if i could stay, he would see me between patients. i said yes i would stay. but i also told her that i never received a message. i didnt want to start off on the wrong foot (me jumping down their throats) so i tried to keep calm and waited for the dr. he came in, said since he didnt have any file or records for me, he wanted me to tell him what was going on that brought me to him. so i started telling him from the initial onset of pain in april that landed me in the er. i got about 4 sentences in, and he was like "wait wait wait... tell me about such-and-such" so i did. as i would answer his questions about my symptoms, he would be "wait a second, you have this and this at the same time?" and i would say yes. and he would say that is not really possible, it's a mystery. and i would say, well, that is why i am here. this went back and forth with him writing on a blank sheet of paper since he had no file for me. and he would kind of shoot down what i was saying about my symptoms "you cant really have both of those at the same time." or " i've never heard of those 2 symptoms happening together." well, me fucking neither! i was getting frustrated, but i was quite pleased with myself for maintaining a civil attitude. so, he tells me, let's just stop right there and he'll have me put a gown on and he'll do an exam. so, he did the exam. i got re-dressed. and he said that he doesnt think i have anything neurologically wrong going on. he said that he would have to get my file, hopefully in the next couple days, and he would read through everything, but he really thinks i might need to see someone in the vascular field, because he's not sure it's neurological. i said, well, i have seen a vascular dr and that is who sent me to you, the neurologist. so the vascular thinks it is neuro, and the neuro thinks it's vascular. i also told him that the dr i see at the pain clinic thinks that i dont have one OR the other. he thinks maybe i have 2 or 3 different things going on, and other doctors are having a problem diagnosing because they are trying to lump them all together in one diagnosis... when maybe there is more than one. so, i left the office being told that they would not schedule me for another appointment until the dr reads my file and determines if he can possibly do anything for me.
i got out of there without shedding a tear. but as soon as i got in the car, and called my sister, i was bawling. i just dont know what to do. (and her come more tears).
when i got home and looked at my calendar for november 2, i called the nurse i had seen that morning. i told her that now that i have looked at my calendar, i know for sure that my phone was working that day. november 2 i had 2 dr appointments, and i got out of the first one early so i called the next dr to see if i could get in there early. so i know my phone was working, and i did not get a voicemail. i asked " suppose someone did leave a voicemail... is it customary for your office to reschedule an appointment with a voicemail and without ever talking directly to the patient?" she said no, not at all. and she reassured me that they know who this was and it will be taken care of within the office. and she apologized to me for the hundredth time. but that doesnt help me now. i am out a lot of time and pain and suffering already... and as time passes without help, i am worse off.
i called dr mahmood's office and made an appointment. they got me in january 28th, 845a. i told the scheduling girl i just wanted a check up. however, i am going to take all my paperwork in there, and confront him about getting my medical leave denied. i need to get a witness to go with me, and i might to try to borrow a tape recorder from someone so i can record the conversation. the only way i am going to get my retro-pay and keep my job is if this guy corrects what he sent to my employers medical leave center. medical leave rep sent me an outline of contradicting paperwork that dr mahmood sent. the speed bump is that someone within his office told me that portions of my file were lost. how convenient.
i am wicked afraid i am going to keep getting bounced around then next thing i know april will be here and nothing will be better and i will get fired. i have never been fired. and, i have been with this company for 7 years! 7 years! and even though i have been there 7 years, in the 8 months that i have been off, only 3 people (all of whom i knew outside of work) have kept in touch with me to see how i am doing. when i was still working, i used to make posters, and cards and collect money for get well cards and flowers and such for other people. for me, nothing. --now, dont get me wrong. like i said, there have been 3 people that have checked in on me. but they are people that i know outside of work, so i dont really group them in as co-workers. ya know? i just feel like i have been forgotten. and maybe since they dont care enough about me, i shouldnt care enough to want their concerns. i dont know. it just hurts.
i havent received any paycheck since september. 4 months. i have never had a credit card. which i am sure is good in a way, but right now, if i dont have cash, i dont have anything. i have been racking up debt to friends and family by borrowing money. i never borrow money. this is killing me. i am trying like hell to sell my house. i need to get out from under this mortgage. i have been talking with a friend of mine that is in real estate, and i think he is going to get with me next week to try to help me with the house. fingers crossed. i applied for state assistance, which i have never done before, but i have been told i am not eligible. it kills me that i see loser drug addicts feeding their junk lives with government money programs, yet i am a clean, honest, willing-to-work citizen, and i cant get a cent. blargh. i really believe anyone on any sort of government assistance should have to pass drug tests and child support background checks before they are issued driver's license and / or money of any kind. but what do i know?! i have been trying to sell some household stuff. as i am sure some of you have seen posted on my facebook, myspace, and craigslist. i just need something to bring in a bit of cash to float me until... well, i dont know until. until i get my medical leave appeal approved and i can get my paid medical leave i deserve. until i uncover winning lottery numbers. until i am miraculously healed.
okay, i have rambled enough for this morning.
i know that there are people worse off than me, and i do feel guilty as if my woes arent important... but they are. and i am trying all i can to take care of myself. and for me, a lot of the time, that is writing and getting it out. so, dont feel obligated to read what i write. but if you do read it, thank you for taking the time. for giving your time. i appreciate it more than you know.
much love to you and yours.
be well.
~angela
ps for those of you that have asked about other behind-the-scenes stuff with me... i'll get to that update later! thanks for caring!
**click to read collage**
note:
first part of this post is about my phone... so if you just want my medical update, scroll down!
thursday i was out with ma getting some groceries, and my phone died. again. same thing that happened last time. just went to a blank screen and would not reboot. since we were already out, ma took me to the sprint tech shop in kalamazoo. most of you know that kzoo is about an hour from my house. but it is also the closest tech shop for sprint phone repairs. also, most of you know that this will be the 5th phone replacement in 11 months. so, i took it in. dropped it off. suppose to go back monday to pick it up. since i didnt have a phone over the weekend, the sprint rep emailed me with this: "We are going to replace your phone, but we do have special instructions that we will need to discuss when you come in." what kind of special instructions? this was odd. but i guess i would just have to wait and see.
well, sunday morning ma wanted to go to kzoo to look for some after christmas sales. so i tagged along, and she took me to the sprint shop. they gave me my replacement phone, but said they dont know why this keeps happening. the first time it happened, it was on the charger, and when i took it off the charger, it powered down and never came back on. the tech said it was entirely NOT my fault. it looked like it was in the middle of an update and froze. i said i was never prompted for an update, and he said it was probably an auto-system update. this time it was sitting in my lap in the car, and when i went to use it, it didnt work. the "special instructions" were that i must have again interrupted an update which caused the phone to freeze. so next time i am prompted for an update, select "no" and bring the phone to the store so they can do the update for me. i told them that i was never ever prompted for an update. i asked "cant you look in your system and see the last time a system update was made on my phone?!" they said no. they dont have access to that. they added that this would be the last phone replacement they would do for me since i have had excessive replacements. i was like whoa whoa whoa! this was not my fault! i did not break my phone! if i did something, i would tell you. but i did NOTHING. i went down the list of the 5 times the phone has had to be replaced and the 4 different things that went wrong with each phone. NONE of them were operator error. it was all tech stuff. i also told them that i had seen 7 different sprint reps in 3 weeks trying to get this fixed and they all said it was nothing i did, and the phone just needed to be replaced, not repaired. so the customer service girl asked if i wanted to talk to a tech. hell yes! she took me to the back to the tech area. there was more than 1 person back there, so i just talked to everyone hoping someone would feel my pain and have a better solution. i said, so, what youre telling me is that you have never seen this happen more than once before, you dont know why it is happening or how, you have no way to search your system for recent updates on my phone, but you are so sure it was my fault, that you are telling me if anything, at all, ever goes wrong with my phone again, you will not replace it?! then they pawned it off on a tech that wasnt there saying maybe i should come back and talk with her the next day. i said yeah, i would come back, but that i would also be speaking with sprint corporate because this is completely miserable. i had asked before about getting a completly different model phone. i said i absolutely love this lg lotus (aside from the fact the camera has no flash), but if it's going to have all these issues, i guess i need something different and more reliable. i was told it's not the phone, they havent seen this many problems with the lotus, and that i am not eligible for an upgrade anyway, so i would have to pay street cost for a different phone. i told them that a rep i spoke to at a different sprint store told me about a "secret department" that i could call and tell my story to and they would give me some crazy upgrade for a phone that was practically filled with rocket science capabilities. i told her i dont need something expensive and fancy, i just want my lotus and i want it to work!
fine fine fine, i gave up the conversation and said i would just take the replacement lotus and deal with any other problems IF they happened. all the while in the back of my mind i was composing my conversation i would have with corporate. so, i get back to the front and the sales girl is replacing the phone. she says maybe this one wont have issues since it is new out of the box. i told her i had new out of the box before. she was like "really? i thought they just repaired before?" i said nooo, i have all the boxes and everything at my house.
-flashback to when i asked a guy if maybe their store had a bad batch of lotus phones or something along those lines and he told me "no. it doesnt work like that. i think you just have bad luck." and i nearly broke down crying in the store. me?! bad luck?! he didnt even know a fraction of how those words hurt me.
anywhom... so, the girl is replacing my phone and a tech comes out to the counter. says that his store manager was back there and heard our conversation and didnt like anything that he heard, so for me not to worry, if anything happens to my phone, they will take care of me. they will not turn me away. they will do anything they can to make this right. they dont want me leaving mad. i told them, i am not mad with each of them as individual people. i am just frustrated with this situation and that no one would be willing to help me further. he said not to worry, i would be taken care of. so that was a relief. then the girl started up my new phone, and forced updates so that they could do them there. they said i should only get them about every 6 months, but when i do, bring it to the store to be done. fine with me. so an hour later, i left with my replacement phone.
i was told before i left that since i now have wireless backup for my contacts, that my contacts should be back on my phone in about 30 minutes. well, 5 hours later they still werent there. so i called the store. they said well, maybe give it about 24 hours, if they still arent there, call back. and wouldnt you know it, about 5 minutes after i got off the phone with the tech, my contacts popped up. hmmm...
but, so far (only 2 days in) it is still working. fingers crossed.
wow. that was long-winded!
okay, now for the medical update.
i have been on medical leave since may 15, 2009. tons of symptoms, no one can figure out what is going on. it has been almost 8 months, i have seen 17 doctors, been given about 20 different prescriptions, tons of tests and trial treatments... nothing is helping. the first neurologist i saw, dr mahmood, was terrible. he slacked on everything. he would be late to the office and my appointments, take cell phone calls during my appointments, i would show up for appointments (over an hour away from my house) and i would be told he didnt come to work and i need to reschedule - but no one called me ahead of time to tell me not to come, he told me i did NOT need an appointment to get test results - that i should call his office in 4 days and they would decide then what to do - i called 29 times in 19 days then finally showed up in person and asked for the office manager and told her my situation and she said that the dr had my test results, but since he didnt sign them before he went on vacation, they could not release the results for me. then when i did get the results, i was scheduled for another appointment that got pushed out twice in 3 months. this is not everything, and i wont list all of his incompetencies, but the final straw for me has been that i have 3 letters in his handwriting that write me off work due to disability, which i submitted to my employers medical leave center, but when the medical leave center sent him paperwork to fill out for my leave, he wrote that he had never taken me off work, and left the remainder of the forms incomplete. when i called his office about this, i was told that my medical records file was misplaced. needless to say, i have been talking with lawyers about him. but right now i dont have the money to do anything about it. so, my medical leave rep sent me a letter that my claim has been denied based what dr mahmood submitted. now i am in the appeals process, without pay, and if i am not able to return to work or get extended disability approved but april 2010, i am "separated" from the company.
two months ago i was referred to a new neurologist at a different hospital. dr jewett. yesterday, january 4th, 8a, was my appointment. they sent me a new patient packet i had to fill out and bring with me. so i did. i got there early. when i told the girl at the desk my name, she said she couldnt find me on the list, but that she was just filling in and the regular girl would be right back. i had a seat. then heard whispering and my name for a few minutes. i was called back to the window. they told me that on november 2 someone from their office rescheduled me for december 14 and i was a no show. what the heck?! nooo way! i was not at all happy, but i tried to stay calm. we'll figure this out. it's a new year and i need a new approach to things. they told me to have a seat while they sort it out. so i did. finally they called me back to a room. the nurse explained that on november 2 someone in their office called and left me a voicemail that my appointment had been changed to december 14. she also said that the dr was booked, so if i could stay, he would see me between patients. i said yes i would stay. but i also told her that i never received a message. i didnt want to start off on the wrong foot (me jumping down their throats) so i tried to keep calm and waited for the dr. he came in, said since he didnt have any file or records for me, he wanted me to tell him what was going on that brought me to him. so i started telling him from the initial onset of pain in april that landed me in the er. i got about 4 sentences in, and he was like "wait wait wait... tell me about such-and-such" so i did. as i would answer his questions about my symptoms, he would be "wait a second, you have this and this at the same time?" and i would say yes. and he would say that is not really possible, it's a mystery. and i would say, well, that is why i am here. this went back and forth with him writing on a blank sheet of paper since he had no file for me. and he would kind of shoot down what i was saying about my symptoms "you cant really have both of those at the same time." or " i've never heard of those 2 symptoms happening together." well, me fucking neither! i was getting frustrated, but i was quite pleased with myself for maintaining a civil attitude. so, he tells me, let's just stop right there and he'll have me put a gown on and he'll do an exam. so, he did the exam. i got re-dressed. and he said that he doesnt think i have anything neurologically wrong going on. he said that he would have to get my file, hopefully in the next couple days, and he would read through everything, but he really thinks i might need to see someone in the vascular field, because he's not sure it's neurological. i said, well, i have seen a vascular dr and that is who sent me to you, the neurologist. so the vascular thinks it is neuro, and the neuro thinks it's vascular. i also told him that the dr i see at the pain clinic thinks that i dont have one OR the other. he thinks maybe i have 2 or 3 different things going on, and other doctors are having a problem diagnosing because they are trying to lump them all together in one diagnosis... when maybe there is more than one. so, i left the office being told that they would not schedule me for another appointment until the dr reads my file and determines if he can possibly do anything for me.
i got out of there without shedding a tear. but as soon as i got in the car, and called my sister, i was bawling. i just dont know what to do. (and her come more tears).
when i got home and looked at my calendar for november 2, i called the nurse i had seen that morning. i told her that now that i have looked at my calendar, i know for sure that my phone was working that day. november 2 i had 2 dr appointments, and i got out of the first one early so i called the next dr to see if i could get in there early. so i know my phone was working, and i did not get a voicemail. i asked " suppose someone did leave a voicemail... is it customary for your office to reschedule an appointment with a voicemail and without ever talking directly to the patient?" she said no, not at all. and she reassured me that they know who this was and it will be taken care of within the office. and she apologized to me for the hundredth time. but that doesnt help me now. i am out a lot of time and pain and suffering already... and as time passes without help, i am worse off.
i called dr mahmood's office and made an appointment. they got me in january 28th, 845a. i told the scheduling girl i just wanted a check up. however, i am going to take all my paperwork in there, and confront him about getting my medical leave denied. i need to get a witness to go with me, and i might to try to borrow a tape recorder from someone so i can record the conversation. the only way i am going to get my retro-pay and keep my job is if this guy corrects what he sent to my employers medical leave center. medical leave rep sent me an outline of contradicting paperwork that dr mahmood sent. the speed bump is that someone within his office told me that portions of my file were lost. how convenient.
i am wicked afraid i am going to keep getting bounced around then next thing i know april will be here and nothing will be better and i will get fired. i have never been fired. and, i have been with this company for 7 years! 7 years! and even though i have been there 7 years, in the 8 months that i have been off, only 3 people (all of whom i knew outside of work) have kept in touch with me to see how i am doing. when i was still working, i used to make posters, and cards and collect money for get well cards and flowers and such for other people. for me, nothing. --now, dont get me wrong. like i said, there have been 3 people that have checked in on me. but they are people that i know outside of work, so i dont really group them in as co-workers. ya know? i just feel like i have been forgotten. and maybe since they dont care enough about me, i shouldnt care enough to want their concerns. i dont know. it just hurts.
i havent received any paycheck since september. 4 months. i have never had a credit card. which i am sure is good in a way, but right now, if i dont have cash, i dont have anything. i have been racking up debt to friends and family by borrowing money. i never borrow money. this is killing me. i am trying like hell to sell my house. i need to get out from under this mortgage. i have been talking with a friend of mine that is in real estate, and i think he is going to get with me next week to try to help me with the house. fingers crossed. i applied for state assistance, which i have never done before, but i have been told i am not eligible. it kills me that i see loser drug addicts feeding their junk lives with government money programs, yet i am a clean, honest, willing-to-work citizen, and i cant get a cent. blargh. i really believe anyone on any sort of government assistance should have to pass drug tests and child support background checks before they are issued driver's license and / or money of any kind. but what do i know?! i have been trying to sell some household stuff. as i am sure some of you have seen posted on my facebook, myspace, and craigslist. i just need something to bring in a bit of cash to float me until... well, i dont know until. until i get my medical leave appeal approved and i can get my paid medical leave i deserve. until i uncover winning lottery numbers. until i am miraculously healed.
okay, i have rambled enough for this morning.
i know that there are people worse off than me, and i do feel guilty as if my woes arent important... but they are. and i am trying all i can to take care of myself. and for me, a lot of the time, that is writing and getting it out. so, dont feel obligated to read what i write. but if you do read it, thank you for taking the time. for giving your time. i appreciate it more than you know.
much love to you and yours.
be well.
~angela
ps for those of you that have asked about other behind-the-scenes stuff with me... i'll get to that update later! thanks for caring!
**click to read collage**
21 October 2009
a very quick rant, just to get it out!
what the heck did i do in this life or any other life to curse me with what i am going through now?!
sept.28th i spoke with my mortgage people about fact that i have NO income due to medical leave & rep told me i must file for "hardship program" (8 page application) THEN i can file for "forbearance" (only a 2 page application)to help me with my mortgage payment while i have no income. now, today, i called & diff rep told me hardship program only lowers payment, doesnt help when you have NO income, & that i should be filing forbearance! i told her that a month ago i was told the opposite! she dealt with my "unhappiness" well, & walked me thru 5/3 online how to do it fastest way. but i could have done that a month ago & been done with this & had my mortgage (possibly) taken care of by now! instead, i have not been able to pay my mortgage for the first time in 4 years (this month) & it's getting late fees & damaging my credit. AND she is not sure they will retro help me, but she said she will ask about it considering the situation. GAAA!
oh... and while i was typing the above note, my employer called and said they are officially putting my job up for bid. so when i am able to return to work, i will have to apply online and interview and be awarded a new position within the company. and as of april 25, 2010 my medical leave benefit will exhaust and i will be separated from the company if i have not yet returned.
sept.28th i spoke with my mortgage people about fact that i have NO income due to medical leave & rep told me i must file for "hardship program" (8 page application) THEN i can file for "forbearance" (only a 2 page application)to help me with my mortgage payment while i have no income. now, today, i called & diff rep told me hardship program only lowers payment, doesnt help when you have NO income, & that i should be filing forbearance! i told her that a month ago i was told the opposite! she dealt with my "unhappiness" well, & walked me thru 5/3 online how to do it fastest way. but i could have done that a month ago & been done with this & had my mortgage (possibly) taken care of by now! instead, i have not been able to pay my mortgage for the first time in 4 years (this month) & it's getting late fees & damaging my credit. AND she is not sure they will retro help me, but she said she will ask about it considering the situation. GAAA!
oh... and while i was typing the above note, my employer called and said they are officially putting my job up for bid. so when i am able to return to work, i will have to apply online and interview and be awarded a new position within the company. and as of april 25, 2010 my medical leave benefit will exhaust and i will be separated from the company if i have not yet returned.
07 October 2009
angela medical update #5
here we go. i have been writing this on and off for the last week-ish when i feel up to it. so, please bear with me if it's drawn out. i think the last thing you all were told was that i didnt have enough details to talk or write about what was / is going on with my job / medical leave status. is that right? well, that is where i will pick up my story from. if after you read this you have questions or i missed something, just ask.
i would like to preface this with the fact that i have been with my current employer for 6 years and 4 months.
i call my medical leave reps all the time. fax and email them all the information they might need... and prolly even some they dont. i just want to make sure they have everything they need to keep my medical leave current and approved, and i know that sometimes drs get too busy to complete all your paperwork. so i try to stay on top of things. seems like i am always getting medical leave reps' voicemails.
i knew i would be cutting it close with my approved short term medical leave (stml) payroll exhausting just before i could file for extended medical leave. finally, one of my reps called me on thursday september 24th and said that i have approved stml until monday october 26th. and she sent me a letter (so i have it in writing). as of october 26th i would no longer have job protection under stml benefit. however, i am not eligible to file for the extended disability plan (edp) until november 12th. i still dont quite understand this detail. so, i was going to have to talk with my employer about allowing me off for the 3 week gap without losing my job. also, my stml payroll would be exhausted, so i would have 3 weeks without pay. now, i am not guaranteed to be approved for the extended disability plan. i am "eligible" to "apply" for it on november 12th. this is ridiculous to me.
so, thursday sept 24th i find out that my stml expires oct 26th and i need to talk with my employer asap about covering the 3 week gap without losing my job.
well, friday september 25th at 630p i get a phone call. literally, as i am walking out the door with my stepdad to go to his birthday dinner. we wait to leave since i am on the phone. one of my medical leave reps says that her office does random case audits and my case happened to be audited. they found "discrepancies and miscalculations regarding my time and payroll". so, i ask her what she is talking about. she said that they forgot to add in the time from when i was off previously for my broken foot, and that that would lessen my remaining time available. she went on to say that with the previous medical leave factored in, my medical leave benefit actually exhausted on september 15th, 10 days prior to this phone call. WHAT?! how did she not have this information when i talked with her just yesterday?! she had to know the case was under audit! i was hot! but i tried to keep my cool. i asked her "what does this mean?" she said, as of sept 15th my job protection and payroll are gone. they were already late paying me my medical payroll for a couple of weeks, so she said that now i just wouldnt get paid the retro-pay because it's not there. she said, "one good thing though, you are able to keep your medical insurance for 6 months." i said, "whoa whoa whoa wait... are you telling me i dont have a job?!" she said, "well, with the new dates, you should have returned to work september 16th. so now you will have 10 days unexcused." but this is not my fault! 1) i am not able to return to work right now, let alone 10 days ago. 2) even if i was able to return to work now, i dont have a time machine, how the fuck am i suppose to return to work in the past?! what the fuck?! these people are driving me insane! it's bad enough what i am going through medically, let alone dealing with all of their bullshit! (please keep in mind that i have 3 medical leave reps, one in texas, illinois, and ohio. how stupid. and each of them seems to pawn things off to the other.) rep says, "can you go back to work on monday?" ... uuummm... NO!!! if i could go back to work i would! i am not in pain and broke by choice! c'mon! so i ask her what am i suppose to do? she tells me that i will need to speak with my human resources and supervisor right away to ask them if they will allow me to keep my job yet stay on medical leave. she also recommends i call the clara abbott foundation thru my employer as ask about employee financial assistance. i ask, what about my remaining vacation time? (keep in mind this is on friday the 25th) -- she tells me, "well, with your 52 hours of remaining vacation time factored in, that would bring you to half a day yesterday, thursday." so i would still be 1.5 days in the hole. how is this happening?!
i write down every detail as she is saying it so that i can quote back to what she told me. which is also why i save voicemails and prefer to get emails and letters. anywhom. we go on to my stepdad's birthday dinner and i dont mention it. it's his night. i dont want to bring it down. we had a really nice night with a few friends and family dinner. i think we all needed that.
over that weekend i was a wreck. i couldnt stop trying to figure how-the-hell-is-this-going-to-work-out in my head. it was a mess. i was a mess. i've been having bad dreams and sleep issues for quite some time now... but since this weekend happened, i have had a completely miserable time sleeping, and when i do sleep, i am having ferocious nightmares. nightmares so bad i wake up sweating and crying and sometimes screaming. all this turmoil is tearing me apart inside and out. how am i suppose to heal with all of this?
monday september 28th i went to my employer. didnt get to talk with my supervisor, but i did talk with hr and employee nurse. i told them my story and begged to keep my job. they took notes and sent me on my way. hr called me later in the day and said that yes, i have exhausted everything. i have used all of my sick time, vacation, family medical leave and short term medical leave. my next option is extended disability plan, but for some long drawn out reason, i cant apply for that until november 12th. so, all said and done, i have no job protection as of 1/2 a day thursday september 24th. hr said that they will allow me to be on "approved medical leave without pay". i am allowed to keep my medical insurance for 6 months, but since i have no job protection they are back-filling my job. so, when i am released to return to work full-time with no restrictions (this is their requirement), i will keep my 6.5 years seniority and bid rights, but cannot go back to the job i had. i was told "you may apply for, and will be considered for, other positions for which you may be qualified." i will have to apply online and interview for each job. thing is, right now they have no open jobs posted! and the job i am losing is the job i have been wanting for a while now. job, hours, money, people... i went on medical leave just 2 weeks before i was suppose to start this new job i was awarded. i am very bummed about this. but what can i do?
so, now i am on "approved medical leave without pay" all the while my regular bills and dr bills are adding up. as suggested, i called the clara abbott foundation to ask for financial assistance. i never ask for help. i have always been able to take care of myself and everyone else. this is miserable for me. well, clara abbott foundation said they cannot help me because i am not currently on payroll. they said that you must be on payroll to receive assistance. i said, "i'm sure you get this a lot, and i am not trying to be a bitch about it, but why would you only help me if i AM getting paid? why wont you help me now that i have nothing?" she said the foundation has to draw the line somewhere and that anyone could go on a leave without pay and just soak up the free money. so they will only help people that are on payroll but struggling with bills. so, if i had called them 5 months ago when this all started, they would have given me money until my payroll benefit was gone. stupid stupid stupid. but i didnt know that 5 months ago. no one told me until after the fact. kinda like the whole thing with banks charging so much for overdrafts. you dont have enough money so we're going to charge you for being broke. the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.
now i am filling out and filing all kinds of paperwork on my own behalf for extensions on my billing due dates, as well as all of my medical leave stuff. multiple offices in the same companies (including my employers medical leave) keep sending me pages and pages of info to be filled out by me and my doctors. they are all the same company... why cant they just share the info? to top if off, each of my dr offices charges $10-20 each time i have to have paperwork filled out for medical leave. what the fuck is a person suppose to do?! a friend of mine suggested i get a temporary power-of-attorney, but i dont have anyone that knows enough about all my medical stuff to be of good use in that capacity. this, i suppose, is partially fault of being single and detached from everyone for such a period of time.
just as i think it cant get worse, i end up in the er, again. as many of you know i've been having serious insomnia. well, last tuesday i didnt get to bed until about 4a wednesday morning. i was up and down a couple of times. then i finally gave up on attempting any more sleep and got up about noon. went to the bathroom. fed my doggies. and while my doggies were eating, as i walked from the kitchen to the living room, i doubled over in pain. crazy effin abdominal pain. thought i was going to be sick, so i got to the bathroom as fast as i could. yelled for my roommie to let the dogs out when they were done eating. stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes and realized i wasnt getting bathroom sick, but my pains were getting worse. i told my roommie something was seriously wrong and i havent felt this kind of pain since before my partial hysterectomy in august 2006. (partial hysterectomy = only my uterus removed) i called my primary care dr but she was booked the rest of the week. they advised me to go to the immediate care center. so i did. my roommie drove me there. it's just over an hour away. i was there about 3 hours and all they did was urinalysis and bloodwork. dr finally strolls in about 315p says, "well, we dont do radiology after 3p, so all i can suggest is you check back in 5-7 days or i can send you to the er of your choice." what a fucking idiot! please keep in mind that this entire time i am still in pain! so, we transfer to the er that i prolly should have just went to in the first place. another waiting room. they finally get me in to a curtained room. 3 different people come in, literally, one right after the other (passing at the curtain) and ask me the exact same questions! gaaa! finally they did a quick over the clothes exam. eventually they decide to do a pelvic exam. *** warning, slight detail personal medical talk here *** they take me to a closed room (not a curtain room) for this. dr says he doesnt think it's anything serious, all my workups came back normal, but he is not sure what it is just yet. he is going to try to "manually elicit pain" via the pelvic exam... and if "by chance" he does, then they will order ultrasounds. but said he honestly didnt think he would find anything. then we got in the private exam room. i wont go into graphic detail, but lets just say that yes he was able to "manually elicit pain" and i about came off the table. i yelled, and tears were flooding when he did. he is a resident doctor and i felt sooo bad for him as he was feeling bad for me. and so, now for the ultrasound order. they didnt have time for me to drink 42 ounces of fluid, so they decided to fill my bladder with a catheter. i had never had a cath before, and i hope to all eternity to never have one again. especially painful while already having abdominal / pelvic pain. skip to ultrasound. radiologist was super nice to me. she talked to me a lot and showed me the screen as she was looking around. i am sure she was trying to keep my mind off the pain, but what she had to talk about wasnt much better. she pointed out to me all of the cysts on my ovaries. yay. she had to do an external and an internal ultrasound. oh joy. she took a bunch of photos and they sent me back to my "room". removed the cath (thank heaven) and we (me, my ma, and my roommie) waited for the dr to return with results. they said i have multiple small cysts on my right ovary. my left ovary has a cyst the same size as my ovary should be by itself. so, my left ovary is 3.3cm and the cyst on it is 3.1cm. they believe my sudden onset pain was a cyst rupturing. they think it had also been on my left ovary. they advised pain meds, rest, and return to see my hysterectomy dr asap.
so, the next day, i called my hysterectomy dr. they tell me she is on medical leave but i can come in right away and see the dr that is filling in for her. so i did. fill-in hysterectomy dr said that this current ruptured cyst would take about 4-7 days for fluids to absorb back in to my system, so expect pain to hang out for a while until that clears up. she confirmed that i have multiple small cysts on my right ovary, that she believed to be "non-threatening" meaning they are too small to rupture and she believes they could just disintegrate themselves. however, she said the large cyst on my left ovary is most likely too large to go away on it's own. she asked that i come back in about 2 months for another ultrasound, since there is "nothing emergant to be done". she said that i should expect for the large left ovarian cyst to rupture before then. she said if it does not rupture, and it grows, then they will discuss removing my left ovary. she said if i remove only my left ovary and keep my right ovary and cervix, i will not need hormone treatments. so, now i'm at the mercy of the lesser of two evils. either it ruptures and i am in agony again waiting for the whole thing to repeat itself... or it doesnt rupture, it grows, and they have to remove my left ovary. like i said, the lesser of two evils.
so, i no longer have an income, but i am still "attached" to my employer and on "approved medical leave without pay". i am still undergoing multiple therapies for my head / neck / shoulder / arm / hand things they have not yet diagnosed and the pain has not subsided. i am still in some slight pain / aching from the ovarian cyst rupture last week. but i think that is fading well. i am still having serious sleep issues. i have no idea when i will be able to return to work. my sister and her kids are moving out of my house this week, so i am going to try to sell that asap so i dont have a house i cant afford at this point... and i dont want anywhere near foreclosure. i have never had a credit card, my only major debts right now are medical... i'm just trying to keep my head above water. ya know?
vets said they are able to do KaiYin's radiation / chemo in fort wayne, rather than perdue or michigan state. that is easier for me. it'll take about 3 months. once a week for four weeks. then every other week for eight weeks. total should be about $2500. of course, she is still recovering from surgery, and i am broker than broke, so we cant start this right now anyway.
tomorrow (thursday) i have my 2nd round of trigger point injections. 1st round they gave me 2 in my skull (yes, literally, in the back of my head) and 7 in my shoulder / neck area. it is a lidocaine / steroid cocktail. friday if i am feeling up to it (since injections knock me out) i might have occupational therapy. next week i have my usual occupational therapies and 2nd round of lidocaine iv infusion. that one sucked as well. the iv procedure is less painful than the direct injections, but the after-effects made me pretty sick. each of these will be done once ever 4 weeks and they said it could take 4-5 times before i notice relief. glorious, right? but what else can i do? i am posting my schedule in the right hand column ------>>> if you want to keep up with me. or feel free to email me and i will get back with you when i am feeling up to it.
fyi... like i said, i currently have no income... so i'm having to prioritize... there is a slight possibility i might have to temporarily disconnect my phone for a bit. so, i'll keep you posted as i know more, but if you text or call me and i dont get back to you for a bit, it might be because my phone is off. i'll try to give a heads up if that is going to happen. so, email / twitter / facebook whatever is the best way to get me.
thanks to everyone for you continued love and support.
i love you all oodles and bunches!
be well.
~angela
*** adding this 1054p, same night ***
i really feel like some people think i am faking this. (mostly the behind-the-scenes medical leave and such people) i have been off work and on medical leave for about 23 weeks. in this time, i have had over 30 dr appointments (i stopped counting after 30), i have seen 18 doctors, and been given 16 prescriptions. really, someone could possibly think i am faking this?! who would go to this extreme for time off? it's not like i'm on vacation here. i am in pain, broke, and stranded at my house unless someone drives me to a dr appointment or grocery store, etc. i just wanted to vent that. so, there it is.
i would like to preface this with the fact that i have been with my current employer for 6 years and 4 months.
i call my medical leave reps all the time. fax and email them all the information they might need... and prolly even some they dont. i just want to make sure they have everything they need to keep my medical leave current and approved, and i know that sometimes drs get too busy to complete all your paperwork. so i try to stay on top of things. seems like i am always getting medical leave reps' voicemails.
i knew i would be cutting it close with my approved short term medical leave (stml) payroll exhausting just before i could file for extended medical leave. finally, one of my reps called me on thursday september 24th and said that i have approved stml until monday october 26th. and she sent me a letter (so i have it in writing). as of october 26th i would no longer have job protection under stml benefit. however, i am not eligible to file for the extended disability plan (edp) until november 12th. i still dont quite understand this detail. so, i was going to have to talk with my employer about allowing me off for the 3 week gap without losing my job. also, my stml payroll would be exhausted, so i would have 3 weeks without pay. now, i am not guaranteed to be approved for the extended disability plan. i am "eligible" to "apply" for it on november 12th. this is ridiculous to me.
so, thursday sept 24th i find out that my stml expires oct 26th and i need to talk with my employer asap about covering the 3 week gap without losing my job.
well, friday september 25th at 630p i get a phone call. literally, as i am walking out the door with my stepdad to go to his birthday dinner. we wait to leave since i am on the phone. one of my medical leave reps says that her office does random case audits and my case happened to be audited. they found "discrepancies and miscalculations regarding my time and payroll". so, i ask her what she is talking about. she said that they forgot to add in the time from when i was off previously for my broken foot, and that that would lessen my remaining time available. she went on to say that with the previous medical leave factored in, my medical leave benefit actually exhausted on september 15th, 10 days prior to this phone call. WHAT?! how did she not have this information when i talked with her just yesterday?! she had to know the case was under audit! i was hot! but i tried to keep my cool. i asked her "what does this mean?" she said, as of sept 15th my job protection and payroll are gone. they were already late paying me my medical payroll for a couple of weeks, so she said that now i just wouldnt get paid the retro-pay because it's not there. she said, "one good thing though, you are able to keep your medical insurance for 6 months." i said, "whoa whoa whoa wait... are you telling me i dont have a job?!" she said, "well, with the new dates, you should have returned to work september 16th. so now you will have 10 days unexcused." but this is not my fault! 1) i am not able to return to work right now, let alone 10 days ago. 2) even if i was able to return to work now, i dont have a time machine, how the fuck am i suppose to return to work in the past?! what the fuck?! these people are driving me insane! it's bad enough what i am going through medically, let alone dealing with all of their bullshit! (please keep in mind that i have 3 medical leave reps, one in texas, illinois, and ohio. how stupid. and each of them seems to pawn things off to the other.) rep says, "can you go back to work on monday?" ... uuummm... NO!!! if i could go back to work i would! i am not in pain and broke by choice! c'mon! so i ask her what am i suppose to do? she tells me that i will need to speak with my human resources and supervisor right away to ask them if they will allow me to keep my job yet stay on medical leave. she also recommends i call the clara abbott foundation thru my employer as ask about employee financial assistance. i ask, what about my remaining vacation time? (keep in mind this is on friday the 25th) -- she tells me, "well, with your 52 hours of remaining vacation time factored in, that would bring you to half a day yesterday, thursday." so i would still be 1.5 days in the hole. how is this happening?!
i write down every detail as she is saying it so that i can quote back to what she told me. which is also why i save voicemails and prefer to get emails and letters. anywhom. we go on to my stepdad's birthday dinner and i dont mention it. it's his night. i dont want to bring it down. we had a really nice night with a few friends and family dinner. i think we all needed that.
over that weekend i was a wreck. i couldnt stop trying to figure how-the-hell-is-this-going-to-work-out in my head. it was a mess. i was a mess. i've been having bad dreams and sleep issues for quite some time now... but since this weekend happened, i have had a completely miserable time sleeping, and when i do sleep, i am having ferocious nightmares. nightmares so bad i wake up sweating and crying and sometimes screaming. all this turmoil is tearing me apart inside and out. how am i suppose to heal with all of this?
monday september 28th i went to my employer. didnt get to talk with my supervisor, but i did talk with hr and employee nurse. i told them my story and begged to keep my job. they took notes and sent me on my way. hr called me later in the day and said that yes, i have exhausted everything. i have used all of my sick time, vacation, family medical leave and short term medical leave. my next option is extended disability plan, but for some long drawn out reason, i cant apply for that until november 12th. so, all said and done, i have no job protection as of 1/2 a day thursday september 24th. hr said that they will allow me to be on "approved medical leave without pay". i am allowed to keep my medical insurance for 6 months, but since i have no job protection they are back-filling my job. so, when i am released to return to work full-time with no restrictions (this is their requirement), i will keep my 6.5 years seniority and bid rights, but cannot go back to the job i had. i was told "you may apply for, and will be considered for, other positions for which you may be qualified." i will have to apply online and interview for each job. thing is, right now they have no open jobs posted! and the job i am losing is the job i have been wanting for a while now. job, hours, money, people... i went on medical leave just 2 weeks before i was suppose to start this new job i was awarded. i am very bummed about this. but what can i do?
so, now i am on "approved medical leave without pay" all the while my regular bills and dr bills are adding up. as suggested, i called the clara abbott foundation to ask for financial assistance. i never ask for help. i have always been able to take care of myself and everyone else. this is miserable for me. well, clara abbott foundation said they cannot help me because i am not currently on payroll. they said that you must be on payroll to receive assistance. i said, "i'm sure you get this a lot, and i am not trying to be a bitch about it, but why would you only help me if i AM getting paid? why wont you help me now that i have nothing?" she said the foundation has to draw the line somewhere and that anyone could go on a leave without pay and just soak up the free money. so they will only help people that are on payroll but struggling with bills. so, if i had called them 5 months ago when this all started, they would have given me money until my payroll benefit was gone. stupid stupid stupid. but i didnt know that 5 months ago. no one told me until after the fact. kinda like the whole thing with banks charging so much for overdrafts. you dont have enough money so we're going to charge you for being broke. the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.
now i am filling out and filing all kinds of paperwork on my own behalf for extensions on my billing due dates, as well as all of my medical leave stuff. multiple offices in the same companies (including my employers medical leave) keep sending me pages and pages of info to be filled out by me and my doctors. they are all the same company... why cant they just share the info? to top if off, each of my dr offices charges $10-20 each time i have to have paperwork filled out for medical leave. what the fuck is a person suppose to do?! a friend of mine suggested i get a temporary power-of-attorney, but i dont have anyone that knows enough about all my medical stuff to be of good use in that capacity. this, i suppose, is partially fault of being single and detached from everyone for such a period of time.
just as i think it cant get worse, i end up in the er, again. as many of you know i've been having serious insomnia. well, last tuesday i didnt get to bed until about 4a wednesday morning. i was up and down a couple of times. then i finally gave up on attempting any more sleep and got up about noon. went to the bathroom. fed my doggies. and while my doggies were eating, as i walked from the kitchen to the living room, i doubled over in pain. crazy effin abdominal pain. thought i was going to be sick, so i got to the bathroom as fast as i could. yelled for my roommie to let the dogs out when they were done eating. stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes and realized i wasnt getting bathroom sick, but my pains were getting worse. i told my roommie something was seriously wrong and i havent felt this kind of pain since before my partial hysterectomy in august 2006. (partial hysterectomy = only my uterus removed) i called my primary care dr but she was booked the rest of the week. they advised me to go to the immediate care center. so i did. my roommie drove me there. it's just over an hour away. i was there about 3 hours and all they did was urinalysis and bloodwork. dr finally strolls in about 315p says, "well, we dont do radiology after 3p, so all i can suggest is you check back in 5-7 days or i can send you to the er of your choice." what a fucking idiot! please keep in mind that this entire time i am still in pain! so, we transfer to the er that i prolly should have just went to in the first place. another waiting room. they finally get me in to a curtained room. 3 different people come in, literally, one right after the other (passing at the curtain) and ask me the exact same questions! gaaa! finally they did a quick over the clothes exam. eventually they decide to do a pelvic exam. *** warning, slight detail personal medical talk here *** they take me to a closed room (not a curtain room) for this. dr says he doesnt think it's anything serious, all my workups came back normal, but he is not sure what it is just yet. he is going to try to "manually elicit pain" via the pelvic exam... and if "by chance" he does, then they will order ultrasounds. but said he honestly didnt think he would find anything. then we got in the private exam room. i wont go into graphic detail, but lets just say that yes he was able to "manually elicit pain" and i about came off the table. i yelled, and tears were flooding when he did. he is a resident doctor and i felt sooo bad for him as he was feeling bad for me. and so, now for the ultrasound order. they didnt have time for me to drink 42 ounces of fluid, so they decided to fill my bladder with a catheter. i had never had a cath before, and i hope to all eternity to never have one again. especially painful while already having abdominal / pelvic pain. skip to ultrasound. radiologist was super nice to me. she talked to me a lot and showed me the screen as she was looking around. i am sure she was trying to keep my mind off the pain, but what she had to talk about wasnt much better. she pointed out to me all of the cysts on my ovaries. yay. she had to do an external and an internal ultrasound. oh joy. she took a bunch of photos and they sent me back to my "room". removed the cath (thank heaven) and we (me, my ma, and my roommie) waited for the dr to return with results. they said i have multiple small cysts on my right ovary. my left ovary has a cyst the same size as my ovary should be by itself. so, my left ovary is 3.3cm and the cyst on it is 3.1cm. they believe my sudden onset pain was a cyst rupturing. they think it had also been on my left ovary. they advised pain meds, rest, and return to see my hysterectomy dr asap.
so, the next day, i called my hysterectomy dr. they tell me she is on medical leave but i can come in right away and see the dr that is filling in for her. so i did. fill-in hysterectomy dr said that this current ruptured cyst would take about 4-7 days for fluids to absorb back in to my system, so expect pain to hang out for a while until that clears up. she confirmed that i have multiple small cysts on my right ovary, that she believed to be "non-threatening" meaning they are too small to rupture and she believes they could just disintegrate themselves. however, she said the large cyst on my left ovary is most likely too large to go away on it's own. she asked that i come back in about 2 months for another ultrasound, since there is "nothing emergant to be done". she said that i should expect for the large left ovarian cyst to rupture before then. she said if it does not rupture, and it grows, then they will discuss removing my left ovary. she said if i remove only my left ovary and keep my right ovary and cervix, i will not need hormone treatments. so, now i'm at the mercy of the lesser of two evils. either it ruptures and i am in agony again waiting for the whole thing to repeat itself... or it doesnt rupture, it grows, and they have to remove my left ovary. like i said, the lesser of two evils.
so, i no longer have an income, but i am still "attached" to my employer and on "approved medical leave without pay". i am still undergoing multiple therapies for my head / neck / shoulder / arm / hand things they have not yet diagnosed and the pain has not subsided. i am still in some slight pain / aching from the ovarian cyst rupture last week. but i think that is fading well. i am still having serious sleep issues. i have no idea when i will be able to return to work. my sister and her kids are moving out of my house this week, so i am going to try to sell that asap so i dont have a house i cant afford at this point... and i dont want anywhere near foreclosure. i have never had a credit card, my only major debts right now are medical... i'm just trying to keep my head above water. ya know?
vets said they are able to do KaiYin's radiation / chemo in fort wayne, rather than perdue or michigan state. that is easier for me. it'll take about 3 months. once a week for four weeks. then every other week for eight weeks. total should be about $2500. of course, she is still recovering from surgery, and i am broker than broke, so we cant start this right now anyway.
tomorrow (thursday) i have my 2nd round of trigger point injections. 1st round they gave me 2 in my skull (yes, literally, in the back of my head) and 7 in my shoulder / neck area. it is a lidocaine / steroid cocktail. friday if i am feeling up to it (since injections knock me out) i might have occupational therapy. next week i have my usual occupational therapies and 2nd round of lidocaine iv infusion. that one sucked as well. the iv procedure is less painful than the direct injections, but the after-effects made me pretty sick. each of these will be done once ever 4 weeks and they said it could take 4-5 times before i notice relief. glorious, right? but what else can i do? i am posting my schedule in the right hand column ------>>> if you want to keep up with me. or feel free to email me and i will get back with you when i am feeling up to it.
fyi... like i said, i currently have no income... so i'm having to prioritize... there is a slight possibility i might have to temporarily disconnect my phone for a bit. so, i'll keep you posted as i know more, but if you text or call me and i dont get back to you for a bit, it might be because my phone is off. i'll try to give a heads up if that is going to happen. so, email / twitter / facebook whatever is the best way to get me.
thanks to everyone for you continued love and support.
i love you all oodles and bunches!
be well.
~angela
*** adding this 1054p, same night ***
i really feel like some people think i am faking this. (mostly the behind-the-scenes medical leave and such people) i have been off work and on medical leave for about 23 weeks. in this time, i have had over 30 dr appointments (i stopped counting after 30), i have seen 18 doctors, and been given 16 prescriptions. really, someone could possibly think i am faking this?! who would go to this extreme for time off? it's not like i'm on vacation here. i am in pain, broke, and stranded at my house unless someone drives me to a dr appointment or grocery store, etc. i just wanted to vent that. so, there it is.
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