For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in you...like each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. ~Angela Pearl
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21 November 2009

what's been going on... (medical update #7)

hey there punks and kittens~~
sorry it's taken me a while to get an update posted. there has been a lot going on. thanks for your patience.

my doctors and i dont believe the lidocaine/steroid injections and/or the lidocaine iv infusion treatments are really doing any good. in fact, most of the time i feel worse for days after treatments with no pain relief once the treatment effects wear off. doctors say that i am still pretty close to the baseline i was at when i first started seeing them. no improvement really. so this coming monday the 23rd will prolly be my last round of the lidocaine iv infusion. but they wanted to give it one more try.

many of you know that the neurologist i was seeing was a quack. i am seeking legal action against him. this is still in the beginning stages. and go figure, my employer's medical leave reps denied my application for extended medical leave based on what this fucking idiot that calls himself a dr had told them. thing is, i have letters and scripts in his handwriting that completely contradict what he wrote to the medical leave board. so now, i have to go thru the appeals process. they said could take from 30-180 days. and in the mean time i still have NO PAY. i told the claims rep i find it frustrating, ironic, and confusing that i have seen 16 doctors in this time off and they base their decision on the one idiot i saw that i am trying to sue. my luck is outstanding.

now my pain dr is referring me to a different neurologist at a different hospital. pain dr wants me to have another round of brain and spinal mri and emg. thing is, they cant see me until january 4th! the fact that this is taking so much time is hurting me a lot. as of april 2010, i no longer have a job. i only get 1 year of approved medical leave. and since my extended medical leave has been denied, now they have me on a temporary "personal leave". this is worse. this still keeps me attached to my employer, but i have NO pay AND i am now going to be billed for my health insurance. i know, i know, at least if have health benefits... but without pay, how do they expect me to pay for them?

i have moved out of my roommate situation and back to my house that i own. my sister and her kids were renting my house until they could get their own place. they moved out in october. just this last week i moved back in to my place. my roommate situation was getting out of control. i'm not going to express all the details... but it was not a good situation... and in fact, i think it was a huge additive to my already high stress and anxiety levels.

now i am back in the house that i own and am trying to sell. when i moved out of my roommate situation last week, i put everything in storage. so the only stuff in this house is me, my dogs, my nephew's old bed (which the dogs and i are sleeping in!), and the dining room set i am trying to sell. hoping that the first week of december will be ready for open houses. i'll keep you all posted. i'm trying to sell it by owner right now. i just want to get out of it. i dont want to have to upcharge a ton of money just to pay a realtor. we'll see how that goes. i am also trying to sell the fridge and stove/oven if you or someone you know might be interested.

my pa's (stepdad) mother is in the hospital with a lot of cancer and is not doing well at all. "they" dont think she will make it to the end of the year. i hate when they try to tell someone "you only have this much time left". they dont know. we dont have expiration dates. and i think if you tell someone they only have a certain amount of time, they get that in their head and heart and maybe dont try because they are counting down the days. it's a miserable situation. brian (my stepdad) has been at the hospital non-stop. he's suffering very deeply about this. without going in to their family dynamics... brian lives the farthest away and has been camped at the hospital... while her immediate family that lives just minutes away hardly stop in once a week. brian's heart is just breaking. and there is nothing any of us can do to make any of this better for him or his mother. it's just so sad.

i had another round of ultrasounds yesterday to recheck the ovarian cysts. i wont go in to the gory details. i dont get the results until december 4th, but the tech said it looks to her like the huge cyst on my left ovary might be getting smaller. they said that cysts can disintegrate... but that it'll be happily unusual if this one (because of the size - the cyst is the same size as my ovary) disintegrates rather than ruptures. i've had some pain for a couple of weeks, but they said it could be slowly breaking apart rather than one huge excruciating rupture. i can do without the excruciating! so, fingers crossed, this will get rid of itself.

there is more going on... but i'm kinda tired of typing right now. i know things seem to be crazy for so many people right now. i see posts on twitter, facebook and myspace and i am astounded by all of the miserable situations people are having to deal with. broken hearts, broken homes, illness, death, medical, financial, emotional... i just wish the best to each and every one of you. i love you all dearly, and even though some of us only chat online, i still cherish any contact i can get with you. (even though i would much rather give you each *hugs* in person!)

take care of you and yours.
much love.
be well.
~angela

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