For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in you...like each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. ~Angela Pearl
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19 May 2010

angela update #328,497

monday i went to see a financial adviser about the stocks that i have sitting with my recently-separated employer. i was hoping to use that money to pay back some personal debts i've acquired while on unpaid medical leave, and for my move to nyc. however, i also wanted to make sure all the taxes were taken care of on that money (so i wouldnt get hit later), and i wanted to find out if the bank had authorization/access to garnish any of it due to my foreclosure. i found out that, yes, the taxes can be taken care of up front if i take a cash distribution. adviser also explained to me some investment options if i dont want to take a full cash distribution (which i dont). most of my questions about the foreclosure she wasnt sure about. but i had my appointment scheduled with the lawyer for tuesday, so i would just ask him.

tuesday, yesterday, i went to see the bankruptcy lawyer. i was there for over an hour. he was a very nice gentleman and explained everything very well. i was wanting to know why i have been suggested to file bankruptcy by so many people. i didnt know why, if i give the house back to the bank, why would i still owe them and have to file bankruptcy? back in high school when i worked for a car repo place i dont remember it being that way. we would show up on behalf of the bank and ask for the money or the vehicle. not both. anywhom. the lawyer said that it would be the bank's decision if i still owed them for the mortgage even after they would take the house. courts and lawyers have all been telling me that i have 6 months in the house - payment free - before they can legally evict me. so, until november 6, 2010. they all say that i should stay in the house as long as possible. i dont want to be here at all. while this isnt the way i had hoped to be out of this house, i keep trying to make something, anything, work. my realtor is still trying to get this house sold. he is still bringing in walk-throughs and hounding my bank guy to allow a short sale. the bank is just not being cooperative at all. i understand that i am not the only person that is going through foreclosure right now. i just dont understand why banks have to make it so difficult to redeem yourself. well, actually, i do know - money. plain and simple.

back to what i was saying. lawyer said that if i can get the house sold, that is the most ideal solution. i agree. however, if i dont get the house sold, and i turn it over to the bank, it is their decision if they want to come after me for the remaining mortgage. if they do, then since i obviously dont have $73,000 in my pocket, chapter 7 bankruptcy would be my best option. this all being discussed on the premise that i dont have a job right now. but i cant live this way. it was also explained to me that if i go out and get a better-than-decent paying job right now, if the time comes to file bankruptcy and i make more than is deemed low-income on their sliding scale then i would not be "allowed" to file chapter 7, i would have to file chapter 13. i'm told that a chapter 7 wipes your slate clean and a chapter 13 requires you to work with a budget and payment arrangements with your creditors.

oh yeah... and the thing with my stocks. while my stocks sit and i dont touch them they are considered retirement so the banks cant take anything. if i cash anything and the banks find out about them then they could be garnished. twisty twist - if i cash them out and repay my family for money i have borrowed, that is considered "preferred treatment". if i file bankruptcy within 1 year of repaying any family IOUs, then each family member will be sued for the money that i repaid to them. i am told that this is very common and not to take it lightly. that you and your family are asked under oath and bank records and everything are investigated. this is fucking ridiculous to me! completely ridiculous! seems like no matter how hard i try to make even the little things work, something spins out of control to ruin it.

so, i need this house to sell asap. then i settle up with the bank (even if it means i have to file bankruptcy for the balance of what the house doesnt sell for)... then take off to nyc.

or, as it stands now, i need to get a job that is just enough to pay for my utilities and such, until the house sells or my 6 months is up (whichever comes first). then, if it is determined that i need to file bankruptcy, i get all that taken care of as quickly as possible... then i'm off to nyc!

there are probably other tiny details in there that i am forgetting right now. feel free to ask me whatever you want to know. i was thinking about maybe taking on a housemate to help pay for things, but the lawyer said there are some technicalities with that as well. another option that the lawyer kinda shot down was if i just moved to nyc now, find someone to take care of lawn care, realtor keeps trying to sell the house, and i come back for either sale or foreclosure finalization. but lawyer said that if the bank wanted, they could deem that as "abandonment" and then i would look like i am trying to trick the system. i am not trying to trick the system. i told him that it is quite the opposite. i am asking about all of these scenarios because i *dont* want to get in trouble. i want to know what is and is not legal. for instance, i had no friggen clue that my family could be sued because i paid them back a personal loan. that is outrageous! who comes up with this shit?! so yeah, once i heard that, i started asking all kinds of "what if" questions.

like i said, the lawyer and i talked for over an hour. i wont detail everything here. but if you have questions, i'll certainly answer them if i can.

i know that a bunch of people think i am a negative thinker. that i am always a downer. if you are one of those people, i wish you knew me better. i am not a negative thinker. i am realistic. i know how hard i try and have tried. because i allow myself time to cry and feel and be depressed, doesnt mean i am a negative thinker. i realize that my problems are not as great as some other peoples' problems. but that doesnt, cant, discount how i feel or what i am going through. my stress and struggle and feelings are legitimate. some people would just give up on their dream and say, "fine, guess i'm never getting out of this town, i'll just stay here and settle." not me! i want to be in nyc. i want to work for the aspca and help save all the animals i can. i want to know that i didnt give up when so many people and situations tried to hold me back. i want to know that i did not compromise who i am.

whew. yeah, so. i suppose that is all for now.

i miss you all!
love you oodles and bunches!
be well.
~angela

14 May 2010

angela update...

hello my darlings.
i know it has been a while since my last update. there has just been sooo much going on, and without home interwebbies, full updates have been a bother to accomplish. however, i would like to say thanks to all of you that follow my facebook (http://tinyurl.com/angela-fb) and twitter (http://twitter.com/imaginebttrfly) for my mini-updates. especially thanks for all of your care, concern, and support! i love you all so very much!

i'm not sure how far back my last update was.

many of you know that i have been on medical leave for a year and the past 7 months of it has been UNpaid. blah blah blah. you know all that. well, as of sunday april 25th i was "separated" from the company i worked for (for 7 years!). this does not make me happy. i really feel like they kept wasting my time with paperwork and jumping through hoops until my medical leave time ran out. anywhom. so, i am now unemployed. sort of. my "employer" still has not updated my (un)employed status. therefore i am not able to take money out of my stocks (which i desperately need) and i am not eligible to file for unemployment. if they do not list me as inactive soon, then my grace period to file for unemployment will expire and i wont get any assistance. this is really pissing me off. while i have never been on unemployment and i never want to be, right now i dont have a choice, and they are screwing me over. again.

thursday may 6th was the day my house foreclosure started. ugh. i am not at all happy about this. i realize that i have done everything i could/can to save it, but i am still upset about this. i am $4,100 behind in house payments. i have the money in my stocks, but like i said, i cant get access to them right now. so i went to the foreclosure auction. no one showed up to buy it. i didnt figure anyone would. i still owe $73,000 on the house. most people buy the $10,000 houses and fix em up and sell em. that is not the case with mine. so... i am told the house will go back to the bank and that i will have 6 months to live there, payment free, before they can legally kick me out. while i dont want to be here until november, i am glad to know i have the time if i need it. i asked the lady at the courthouse about saving the house. i asked if i come up with the $4100 who do i call to pay it and keep the house? she said under NO circumstance should i give them ANY money. she said that to save the house at this point i would need the full $73,000!!! what the huh?! she said if i give them $4000 they will just stick it in their pocket and say, "okay, now you owe us $69,000 more". she said that i should talk with a bankruptcy lawyer. i have an appointment with him this coming tuesday. i dont understand why, if the bank takes the house, why do i still have to pay for the house? isnt that like a repo? give them the money OR the house? makes no sense to me. i'll get some answers next week, i suppose.

as i was getting out of the courthouse, i got a call from my real estate guy. he said there was an offer on the house. yay! so i was hoping if the offer was good enough, the bank would take the offer as a short sale and hopefully write-off the balance and i would be free and clear of the house! i was sooo hoping that would work. my real estate guy and i have been hounding my bank guy because he has been super beyond lazy with my house stuff. this never should have went to foreclosure. yet another piece of my life that is in ruins because of some incompetent ass that cant or wont do his job.

thursday evening my doorbell rang. no one rings my doorbell. 1) they know the dogs go crazy 2) most people know i dont like unannounced house guests, so they call in advance and i watch for them so the dogs dont go crazy at the doorbell! so... my doorbell rang. it was mr curnow. he lives kinda across the road from me. he has been a wonderful friend and neighbor. he brought me flowers! he said that he and his wife knew i probably had a rough day at the courthouse and would i like to go to dairy queen for an ice cream? of course! we sat there about 2 hours and talked and talked! it was a nice ending to a miserable day.

well, i got a note from my real estate guy that said this... “The buyer failed to qualify and as an added bonus, we were informed that she stole the earnest deposit and is now in trouble with her probation officer.....Lovely. “

yeah, "lovely" is right! for serious kids, i couldnt make this shit up if i tried!

thursday night the wilsons came to get stella for an overnight stay. they wanted to see how she would get along with their other lab and 2 cats. apparently they got along wonderfully because they asked to keep her the weekend to see how she would do with the grandkids.

friday morning i took my dad to the airport. i got back in town and really had stuff to accomplish. but i was sick and in miserable pain and just crashed. i managed to make myself presentable enough to go to my sis's first show for her new job. she is now a lia sophia jewelry sales person. i dont know what her title is to be honest. anywhom. i made it to her first show. then i went home and crashed again.

saturday i was absolutely in agony, but had to go get dogfood. doesnt sound like a big deal, but since KaiYin is on a special diet, i have to drive an hour to get the food. and it was storming. fabulous. so i did that. came home and crashed again.

ma called me about 9p and said that she really wanted to make it to virginia to see my aunt while she is still here. she has been extremely ill with cancer and pneumonia and was sent home saturday with hospice. ma and i scrambled to figure it all out... and ended up leaving about 130a driving from michigan to virginia. we got there sunday just after noon. we hadnt seen aunt nancy in about 18 years but she remembered us! while her body is giving out, her smile and heart and spirit have been hanging on! along with her wonderful sense of humor! she is absolutely precious. ma and i spent sunday and monday there. only left one time to get them some groceries. words cant explain how happy my heart was to be able to see everyone after all these years. technically they are my "great" aunts and uncles and 2nd cousins... but we never differentiated. we are family. that is all that mattered. and i am happy to have been there for them, even if it was only 2 days.

tuesday morning ma and i left to come back to michigan. we got back tuesday evening. literally as we were walking in the door at ma's house, my (step)dad was on the phone finding out that grandpa was being taken by ambulance to bronson hospital but they didnt know why. found out later that they thought he had a heart attack. (-fyi: we all call my stepdad's grandparents our grandparents) so, grandpa gets to the hospital and they run tests. they say yes he did have a heart attack and they ran more tests to decide about stints. well, the scans came back that yes he needs stints, but they would not be able to give him the necessary stint surgery because they found he has pancreatic cancer. now... grandpa has been going to the va hospital over the last few months and they kept telling him it was nothing, he is fine. now that he is at a "real" hospital, we are told he has pancreatic cancer and it has been there for a while. this is ridiculous! i dont understand how people can do this to each other! how can they know something like that and not tell him?! we are all human! we should be looking out for each other. helping each other as much as we can. i just dont understand. so, grandpa is 88 and grandma is 91. she has been staying at the hospital with him, and my ma and g'ma's daughters have been taking her back and forth home when needed. we still dont know anything more right now.

tuesday night was full of some very emotional family stuff that i wont be sharing online. all i can say is i cried myself to sleep with a banged up heart.

wednesday i dragged myself out of bed to get some groceries. as i pulled in at the grocery store, i smelled something funny, but thought it might be the van in front of me. when i parked and got out of the jeep the smell was crazy strong and i thought it was antifreeze so i popped the hood. didnt need to. once i walked around to the front of the beast i could see radiator fluid just flooding out. ugh. really?! so i called my handy-dandy maintenance guy, joe.
me: hey there. are you buys?
joe: sound like i'm about to be!
he came over and looked at it. said the radiator blew up and there was no way i could even drive it back to my house. lucky for me, he just got a flatbed trailer, so he said he would come back over and pick up the jeep and take it to his shop. he took me back to my place to get my father's car (i have his car since i dropped him off at the airport) then i went back to get groceries. oh joy.

KaiYin and i were up all night, sick and throwing up. i cant say it was anything we both ate, since i didnt eat dogfood and she didnt eat people food... but who knows. thunderstorms didnt help. Loki freaks freaks out so that was an added obsticle trying to sleep around/through/with.

thursday... yesterday... more family emotional stuff.

mr wilson called and said that they want to keep stella! they said that i can come visit her anytime i want! sounds like she is doing really well... i'm super happy for her!

friday... today... errands and laundry. made some appointments for next week with lawyers and financial advisors. fingers crossed.
joe called and said he can replace the radiator all parts and labor = $200. i dont have that. so he's gonna let me park the baby beast at his place until i can come up with the money.
now i am going to post this, then go over to ma's and watch a movie with her. not sure what movie she got.
after that, i have to drive (1 hr 1 way) to fort wayne airport to pick up my father getting back from florida/virginia. then i'm gonna get back and crash with my dogters!

thanks to all of you for your kindness, love, support, care, concerns... everything!
i love you all oodles and bunches!
much love.
be well.
~angela

no time to proof-read... gotta run!