i will not stop what is in my heart

tomorrow will mark 12 weeks since Pablo's passing from cancer. he was 6 years and 6 days old. i followed his story for over a year and became very attached to his beautiful Spirit. i am not posting reminders of death... rather, hopes, that his memory and life are not forgotten and his Spirit can live on in the fight for all children, families, and friends that suffer from this terrible disease. i have a little cousin, Leah, who was diagnosed last november with leukemia. i have been trying to start a fund in Leah's name. however, the banks are making me fight redtape since i am not an immediate family member. i am working with Leah's parents (my cousins) in an effort to help ease their financial burdens so they can focus on what is more important than the money - their Family. i look forward to helping Leah and any and all children that are living with cancer. the bulletins i post regarding the Pablove Foundation / Pablove Across America are all about how Pablo's family are still raising money and awareness and helping every single child they can, in memory of Pablo, in honor of Pablo. for all we know, their efforts in Pablo's honor could help cure our Leah. i hope and pray for that every day.


my dog, KaiYin, is 9 years and 9 months old. she was diagnosed with cancer when she was 3 years old. she has had 6 surgeries in 6 years. no, she is not "just a dog". she is my dog. my dog-ter. my baby girl. my best friend. and like many kids with cancer, she doesnt let it get her down. she plays and runs and jumps and lives and loves. i will fight for her with everything in me. KaiYin has been home 8 days since her 6th cancer surgery... and she proudly sports her Pablove shirt to cover her incision areas while she is healing.

i know that i have a good heart and honest intentions to make this world better in some small way. nothing was ever mentioned when i posted Pablo notes while he was alive. now, he has only been gone 3 months, and people want me to stop talking about him. i will not stop talking about Pablo, or Leah, or children's cancer. i will not stop trying to raise awareness and help these children that cannot help themselves.

if you do not want to read what i write to know or learn who i am as a person, what i believe in as a human being and what i feel in my heart... then dont click the links, dont open the notes, dont friend me on myspace or facebook, dont follow me on twitter.

i'll end this post with and excerpt from the Pablove Foundation Mission Statement:

"Every year, the Pablove Foundation gives money to improve the lives of children with cancer, at both a national level as well as a local level here in Los Angeles. As we carry out our mission, we wave a flag for anyone to see. On it are these words: Kids get cancer too. They need your help. It’s not somebody else’s problem."

angela medical update after 1st lidocaine iv infusion

first off, thank you to everyone for your well wishes, thoughts, prayers, meditations, and such while i have been going through this miserable medical mystery. i appreciate your support more than i ever get the chance to tell you. thank you.

yesterday was my first round with the lidocaine iv infusion. i think, initially, i was more worried about the procedure than i was about the after-effects. the medical office requires that you have a driver to take you home after the procedure. my sister took me for this appointment. thanks sis, i love you! i got checked in at the front desk and then a nurse came and got me. she took me to this little room with an over-sized medical recliner, a heart monitor, iv stand, and a waiting chair. she had me sign some papers and she explained to me how it works. she was super nice and kinda relaxed me when we started talking about our pets. anywhom, she hooked me up to the heart monitor and explained that once she got the infusion going she would start at the lowest setting and gradually increase the levels depending on how i was doing with it. she got my iv started (she was good! i barely felt a thing!) and set me on the first level. she said that basically i would start to feel like i had one tooo many margaritas. (which is why you need a driver) she sat and talked with me for a few more minutes and since i was doing fine she kicked it up a notch and left me for a bit. the receptionist came back and wanted to know if my sister could sit with me. i said yes, of course. Heather came back and said that she was going to walk around the mall but it was closed that early in the morning. so she sat with me and we chatted. i could tell i was feeling more and more drunk and i kinda had to concentrate on not laughing most of the time. nurse kept checking on me and kicking it up to the next notch. i was really having to focus on talking with Heather... but it was nice to spend some time with her. i love my sister very very much.

eventually the nurse said "now you're at full blast!" yay! i could certainly tell! it was so weird. i mean, i've been drunk before, but i havent drank in a couple of years and just sitting there with the drunk feeling coming over me was odd. she left me at full blast for a while then came in to disconnect me. she said i did well and that the front desk would set me up with another infusion 4 weeks from now. earlier, the nurse had explained to me that the people with the best results after this treatment usually are the ones that go home and do nothing but rest. she said no mowing the lawn or doing laundry or anything like that. she also said that they need me to keep a journal of how i feel from now until my next infusion. she said that i wont feel better right away. she said it will be slowly noticed things... like... i'll notice while standing in line at the bank that it doesnt hurt so much to stand there, or it doesnt take as much out of me to vacuum, or i can wash my hair, tie my shoes, or hold the phone to my ear for longer without so much pain in my hand and arm... and a list of other examples. she said they need me to pay attention to all those sorts of things and journal them.

i checked out and they set me up for another infusion on thursday october 15th. we got out of there and sis took me home. my roommie, Michael, had stayed home to watch my doggies for me. KaiYin specifically since she is only a few days out of her 6th cancer surgery. i got home and c r a s h e d! i didnt just feel drunk at that point... i felt hungover. i felt miserable. my entire body was angry. i fell over on the couch and was attempting to explain to my roommie how it went and i think i just passed out. he let me sleep. i woke up a few hours later, still "hungover". i asked Michael if he could maybe fix some dinner while i showered. he did. my shower wasnt really as relieving as i had hoped. but dinner was yummy! we ate and watched a movie, then i cuddled my doggies on my couch while Michael played online and read his book on his couch. i guess i must have passed out again because i didnt wake until this morning. suppose i needed it though.

and how lovely that i get to wake to dealing with medical bill collectors. really?! the bills they are calling me about are from appointments on 05.11.09 and 06.11.09 ... may and june... it's only september! it's been like 3 months and i am s t i l l on medical leave for the same reason i was then and they are already threatening me with collections?! they say i have 15 days to pay a few thousand dollars IN FULL or they will send me to collections. really?! you people are ass holes. and i realize some people "are just doing their jobs" but you know what? you dont have to be condescending, heartless rocks during our conversation. when i worked for blue cross and blue shield in north carolina i actually got "talked to" by my team leader many times about the fact that i was "helping clients tooo much" (kinda like mr incredible when he was his secret identity bob parr during his day job at the insurance place in the movie "the incredibles"). the way i saw it was, if someone is calling their health insurance company then either they themselves or someone they love has been sick or injured. they are going through enough without having to deal with money and bills. so i always did all i could to help them. we had a $500 cap per client that we, as customer service specialists, could issue to clients without a signature from higher up. so, if i could help someone, even with only $500, i did. anywhom... my deal right now is (primarily) docs and i are still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me and why am i in sooo much pain! yes i realize i owe medical people money, but i'm on medical leave only getting medical pay and I AM paying my copays and percentage insurance at every visit and paying for my prescriptions and gas money driving back and forth ( i'm still not driving but i give gas money to the people that drive me ) keep in mind that i still have to eat and pay rent/mortgage and such... no, i cant pay your thousands of dollars er bills in the next 15 days. sorry. what they fuck do they expect?! gaaa!

-- clip 0:40 - 1:55 --


exhale. sorry about that, folks. this stuff just drives me insane. i am 1,000% grateful that i have a job with benefits and medical leave and medical pay and family and friends that help me when i need it... i am honestly grateful. but i am also worried that docs are still trying to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it and in the meantime my medical leave is almost exhausted but i am still not able to work and i worry about losing my good job and all it's benefits ... oh and i have suffered from depression most of my life, so that's a huge help throughout this ordeal. i am not looking for sympathy or pity or anything like that... sometimes it just helps to vent. even if no one ever reads what i write, it does help to get it out. the only thing about writing that does not help is the fact that my hand hates me for all the typing / writing so i have to do it in spurts.

okay... i have been writing this in between medical bill phone calls. these people are driving me insane. i think i have made/taken my last medical phone call for today. * i need to fax some stuff which means i have to get out of my jammies and out of the house and be seen in public. * blargh. additionally, my cell phone has been acting up. it powers off just whenever it feels like it. i havent been able to notice a pattern. battery is fully charged. anywhom, so i need to get that in to be diagnosed. yay, dealing with more customer service people. phooey. so, if you have sent me texts or called without answer and left voicemails, i am sorry. half the time i pick up my phone and notice it has powered off so i dont know what calls i might be missing that dont leave messages. i did the software upgrade on it this morning, but it doesnt seem to be helping.

*** nice, roommie just got home and said that while he is out running his errands he will fax my junk for me! yay! and i am not sooo concerned about my phone at this moment, so i suppose i will stay in and continue to rest today. that is a relief. ***

this is the current version (remainder) of my medical schedule as i know it to be, right now:

wednesday september 16th i see the pain psychologist for about an hour, then after him i see the occupational therapist who should be giving me a TENS unit i will take home with me.

thursday september 17th i see the pain doc for an "occipital nerve" block injection ( direct injection to the nerve in the lower back right side of my noggin ) as well as "trigger point injections" for the pain spots. yay.

tuesday september 29th i again see the pain psychologist

thursday october 15th lidocaine iv infusion #2

they told me that each time i go in for one specific treatment they will then set up my next appointment for the same treatment to be repeated. so i'll keep you posted as more appointments are made. hopefully they and i know more soon... the not knowing is sometimes the hardest part.

thanks again to all of you for your continued support and understanding.
i love you all oodles and bunches.
be well.
~angela

oh, social networking sites, what have you done...?

last night just before i was going to cuddle with my KaiYin, i did one last check online. as usual, i refreshed my open tabs checking for updates and emails. when i refreshed my facebook i noticed the "friend suggestion" in the sidebar. it was a girl i was best friends with in high school for a while... she and i had "broken up" (for lack of a better term) for "high school reasons". silly teenager stuff. i dont remember most of it. there are a lot of things i have blurred from my past. anywhom. the caption under her photo said "30 people are mutual friends". i kinda did a "humph" to myself about that. then i went to hang out on the couch with my doggies for slumber.

while i was awake on the couch, i got to thinking about how strange that is. this girl and i have 30 friends in common yet we have not communicated with each other (or even showed any interest in doing so) for about 15 years. literally, 15 years. i was even friends with her older sister for a while, yet we never talked about her. that astounds me. i also find it a curious thing about many other people i knew earlier in life that i have encountered since becoming an "adult". i dont believe i have changed all that much. i mean, sure, i'm a "grown up" now, but i think all of my belief systems are the same. it's odd / interesting to me to see the way people i knew from high school react when they now see me back in my "home" town as an adult. many of them are still clinging to their high school popularity and still want that acknowledgment. some people that only knew me based on rumors still think that was and is who i am. others are completely open to finding out what's happened in the last 15 years and have actually moved on from high school days. i think a LOT of it has to do with one common factor i have found across the board... who moved away after high school and who stayed in this small town. i moved away, right away. i never did drugs or drank in high school. yes, i drank after high school, but i still to this day have never done drugs. i had friends that were potheads or whatever, but that never bothered me. many many times i was a DD, so i suppose it all worked out. some people got stuck in the downward spiral and couldnt get themselves out and/or did want help getting out. some of the "druggies" that i knew in high school have since turned around and now get high on the Lord. and that is all fine and dandy. whatever makes you happy. like i said, it is just very interesting to see who turned out to be what they are today in comparison to what they were back then... in addition to how they look at you now in retrospect to how they looked at you and treated you years ago.

yeah, so... i'm sure it was only because i was thinking about all of this that once i fell asleep, this girl from high school that i havent talked with in 15 years but has 30 mutual facebook friends with me, she appeared in my dreams. okay. not sooo strange. however. what is freaky to me is this:

just before i got in the shower earlier this afternoon, i did a quick refresh of all my open website tabs. i got a facebook notification " *high school girl* added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know *high school girl* in order for you to be friends on Facebook." really? no... REALLY?! this was just plain odd to me. weird. creepy. something i cant think of a word for. or maybe it wasnt. maybe it is really nothing to think about, and i just think too much about everything.
( yeah, i do that from time to time ) <<<--------- understatement!

anywhom, so i accepted her friend request and i suppose we will see how it goes from there. maybe nothing will happen. maybe we will just glance at each others status updates from time to time and that'll be it. who knows. but i just thought it was something peculilar enough to mention. feel free to share your thoughts. and if you happen to be said *high school girl* (you would know if you are!) i look forward to getting to know you again!

KaiYin Is Home From Her 6th cancer Surgery

(backstory) Summer of 2000 I decided that I really wanted to have a dog. I was working at an animal hospital. Earlier that year I had to make the heart-breaking decision to put my cat, Jenae, to sleep. She had undergone 2 exploratory surgeries, 3 months on a feeding tube, and countless tests. I was giving Jenae injections at home 3 times a day as well as maintaining her feeding tube schedule, because I could not stand to have her in the hospital, away from me all the time. I took care of her for as long as I could at home, before she was finally admitted to ICU at the animal hospital where I worked. One of the toughest decisions in my life was knowing when to let Jenae go. She was in so much pain. I held her in my arms and told her I loved her over and over as they put the "sleeping meds" in her iv. Jenae was only 4 years old. Since her "illness" still had not been determined, I requested a necropsy be done. The results came back that she had a rare liver disease that is unique to large, wild cats such as lions and tigers. A small decimal percentage of domesticated cats develop this disease. Unfortunately, Jenae was one of them.
I had been paying as we went with Jenae's medical bills... and I was thankful that my employer at the animal hospital gave me discounts when they could. After Jenae had passed, I still had over $2,000 in medical bills for her. My employer found a way that between the two of us it could somehow be rolled in to their / my taxes and I just paid the taxes on it. Anywhom, what I am getting at is... there is nothing I will not do to help my animals or any animal for that matter. Originally, Jenae belonged to a friend of mine from high school. He joined the military shortly after she was born and when he left, I said I would take care of her. So my folks drove her to me from 5 hours away! Jenae is still a warm, fond love I will always have. Jenae was by far one of my greatest friends and I miss her every day.

I told you that to tell you this story is about KaiYin. My gorgeous, adorable, lovable, strong, faithful canine friend ~ KaiYin. After Jenae's passing, I didnt feel right getting another cat so soon. I was raised with dogs, but they were my father's hunting dogs and they slept outside in a kennel. The hunting dogs werent really for play with the kids... but we would take them on walks once in a while and hang out with them. Anywhom. I wanted a dog. My roommate at the time was not very keen on the idea, but I knew that my dog would be around longer than my roommate, so my mind and heart were set. I started looking at kennels, breeders, boxes of puppies "for free", any doggie you can think of, I looked at it! (it was very hard not to take all of them!) I would make rounds on my way home from work and on the weekends looking at all the pounds and kennels and rescues and such. I really wanted to have a dog for my birthday in August. But August came and went and I still had not found exactly who I was looking for. Finally, in October, I found her. I was walking through a rescue and saw the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen on a doggie. She was very skinny and somewhat shy. Her kennel name was "Elle" and she was 10 months old but only weighed 23 pounds (she now weighs 48 lbs.) I asked to walk her. So she and I went for a walk and attempted play in the grass. But she was guarded at that point. I was told that she is an American Dingo and that she had been abused by her previous owner. I had to have her. I had to save her and make her a happy dog. I could see in her eyes that she really wanted to be a happy dog! Those outstanding green eyes! So I applied for her and had to wait 24 hours while they did background checks and such. I also had to come in for a animal ownership course thing. After a couple of days she was able to come home with me!

I was sooo excited! I had purchased everything a doggies heart desires. The house and I were ready for her. Once I got her home, my roommate said that he didnt want her roaming freely in the house when we werent around. (he owned the house and i was renting from him) Anywhom, I had purchased a crate so that she could be crate trained - but I was completely against this idea. Well, the first night she cried A L L night and even peed and pooped in the crate, as well as, she kicked it all out of the crate and onto the wall! I-told-him-so. He was not amused. I never put her in the crate again. She slept with me or next to my bed on a doggie bed. (Now you would think *I* sleep with *her*... the bed belongs to my doggies and I squeeze in where I can!)

After about 2 weeks I still had not named her. I went through baby name books and websites... I wanted just the perfect name for her. Somehow I was calling her "girlfriend" until one day on the back porch I realized she was answering to "c'mon girlfriend, lets go inside" So, I knew I had to dedicate some more time to finding her name. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was hers...

KaiYin: (translation)
English = Celebrated Child.
Nigerian = Faithful Dog.
Arabic = Friend.

It was perfect!

Cut to 2.5 years later. KaiYin was now about 3 years old and we had moved 6 times in 3 different states. I was at home, grooming her, and I noticed a little bump on her left side between her back leg and ribcage area. I took her to the vet immediately. They said it was prolly just fatty tissue. She was scheduled for a dental anyway, so I asked for the vet to remove it when she was under for the dental. So they did. However, the vet that I liked, that I thought was doing the surgery, was not the one that did the surgery. It was the vet in that office that I dont like. Grrr. He only removed the lump itself without margins under the assumption it would be fatty tissue. I requested that he send it to a lab to find out (this is a small town we live in now). Bad vet said that it would cost about $50 for lab workups. I said I didnt care, I wanted to know what it was. So they sent it off and it came back... cancer. Go fucking figure. Good vet called me and explained that what would happen is this: the cancer cells in the margins that were not removed will gradually form a new mass. When that happens, they will remove it with large margins. I was still upset, but understood there was nothing else to be done at that point. So I had to wait. Wait for this terrible thing to happen again. She went through this 2 more times and I wont get into all the details, but lets just say that the good vet quit that animal hospital due to the result of something the bad vet did, and now KaiYin has surgeons out of state that we drive over an hour one-way to see. But they are worth it! So, this all started when KaiYin was about 3. KaiYin is now almost 10. It's so hard for me to think of her being *that* old. She has no gray hair and she certainly does not act like and old dog! I dont even believe that she knows she is *sick*. She has never paid any attention to the tumors when they form and she is SOOO well-behaved and tolerant of her surgeries. She's amazing!

Well, this is her 6th surgery in 6 years. I have easily spent well over $10,000 on this doggie for her surgeries alone. But she is worth every penny and more. I will do all I can for her. She is my dog-ter! My kid! My best friend! I have a thing about numbers and slight superstitions. I was born on Friday the 13th so I have always believed it is lucky for me. Well, KaiYin had her surgery on 09.09.09 and she is 9 years and 9 months old. I tried to think of that as a good sign after we dropped her off to the animal hospital Wednesday. When we picked her up yesterday, she was sooo happy! She is just an all around happy dog! You would think she doesnt even know she has staples holding her together for the next 2 weeks. She just wants to play and love! And I love that about her!

A little over a year ago I somehow came across the story of a boy named Pablo who had just been diagnosed with Wilm's tumor. I have followed Pablo's story religiously. I do believe "pablove" has become my religion. If you dont know what I am talking about, I am not sure how to explain it. It's feelings and love and faith in humanity, I suppose. There really are no words for it... but Pablo's dad, Jeff, does a beautiful job of putting it all into words on the PABLOg!
Little Pablo lost his battle with cancer this summer. He was only 6 years and 6 days old. I never got to meet Pablo or any of his wonderful family in person, but I feel like they are part of my family, with all that they have shared with us through their website. When I was in LA a week ago that was the big thing on my to-do list: Visit Pablo. My friend, Michael, went with me and we visited Pablo at Forest Lawn Cemetery. I left flowers and cards and a few little pirate figurines I had found. Pablo loved pirates! Michael and I just hung out in the sun with Pablo, looking at the glorious mountains and clear sky and all the beauty surrounding Pablo's space. He's even got a nice shade tree growing next to him as well as a wall, perfect for his favorite Geronimo jumps!

Before we visited Pablo, Michael and I had a Pablo Day. We went to Trails for lunch (one of P's favorite places - we also went to dinner later that night at Malo, another of Pablo's favorites), then we went to the Dangerbird offices where Pablo's dad, Jeff, works... so we could see the pablove mural. While we were taking photos of the mural, Josh from Dangerbird noticed us and asked if we wanted some stickers. heck yeah! I love stickers and Pablo and spreading the pablove! It worked out perfectly because I wanted to go in the offices anywhom and ask about buying another Pablove shirt. This one was for KaiYin. Josh took care of us and then we were on our way to Forest Lawn. (pablove mural photos 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4)

When KaiYin gets out of surgery, they dont want her messing with her incision area so they usually put a wrap around her torso area. When I get her home, I usually change it out to a t-shirt. Now KaiYin has a Pablove shirt to wear! I know that Pablo loved doggies and I am sure that his Spirit is helping to heal my KaiYin. I really believe this.

KaiYin's incision / scars... photo 1 and photo 2 ... she has 1 huge surgical scar running parallel to the current incision, 2 toward her belly that run perpendicular, and 1 (not shown) on her chest.

When KaiYin goes back in 2 weeks for her staples to be removed, I will be talking with her vet surgeon about an animal Oncologist at Michigan State. I have no idea what this has in store for us, but from the sounds of it, doc thinks that maybe just a couple of rounds of radiation might blast this out of her system and she wouldnt keep getting the tumors. We can only hope. I hate to say it, but the only reason I have not taken her to the Oncologist so far is money. I just have not had the money. I, myself, had to have a pretty serious surgery a couple years ago and I am even now going through terrible health issues. I was off work from October 2008 - January 2009 and have currently been off work (on medical leave) since April 2009. I am not putting KaiYin aside due to my health issues, I am just trying to take care of both of us.

Loki, my 3 year 6 month old doggie, is going somewhat stir-crazy. She is English Setter mixed with Blue Heeler and all she wants to do is play play play with KaiYin! But she has been very well-behaved during this whole ordeal. I am very proud of her.

Thank you for all of your well-wishes and concerns. I tell KaiYin all the time how much everyone loves her and wants her to get better. Yes, I talk to my doggies. If you dont understand, maybe you should get a dog... they melt your heart... then you will understand!

I will post updates as I know more and as I feel up to it. Thanks for your patience with the gaps in my updates due to pain keeping me from the simplest things, including typing. (read my medical update blog posts for more information)

I love you all oodles and bunches! Dont forget to tell your loved ones that... every single time you see them and / or talk with them. I'll leave you with something I wrote in a journal years ago:

"For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in you...like each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted."

angela medical update with some significance

well, i do have a bunch to tell about my LA trip last week... but right now i have medical stuff weighing on my mind, and folks asking about it, so i'll get that out of the way now. i had my first appointment (today) at the Kalamazoo Anesthesiology Pain Clinic. i was very happy with the docs i met and interacted with. first they sent me in to the pain psychologist, he does just what it sounds like, he helps you emotionally handle the pain you are going through and what it is doing to your life. then i saw one of the pain specialists. he talked with me forever in addition to doing a basic pain exam. it was nice not to feel rushed out of the office! they dont believe all of my pain is related. they think there may be 2 or 3 different things going on, but they are going on all at once, so some docs are getting confused trying to find one diagnosis that covers everything. so what this doc is going to do is, try to relieve at least 1 portion of the pain ( i think just which ever one subsides with treatment ) and we hope that if one of the pains will go away, it will help to figure out what the other pains are and how to diagnose and treat the leftover pains. does that make sense to you? it makes sense to me... but i was also in the office for about 2 hours talking this all through! so, this is what my schedule looks like:

(today) tuesday 8th for pain clinic consultation

(tomorrow) wednesday 9th drop of KaiYin to the vet surgeon in ft.wayne for her 6th cancer surgery

thursday 10th if all goes well, bring KaiYin home from post-op

friday 11th appointment has been rescheduled for monday 14th
friday 11th i have my first appointment for "lidocaine infusion" iv. i'll be learning more about this and i guess it's not as scary as it sounds. ( but i'm still kinda freaked about it )

monday 14th i have my first appointment for "lidocaine infusion" iv. i'll be learning more about this and i guess it's not as scary as it sounds. ( but i'm still kinda freaked about it )

wednesday 16th i see the pain psychologist for about an hour, then after him i see the occupational therapist who should be giving me a TENS unit.

thursday 17th i see the pain doc for an "occipital nerve" block injection ( direct injection to the nerve in the lower back right side of my noggin ) as well as "trigger point injections" for the pain spots. yay.

tuesday 29th i again see the pain psychologist

meanwhile, pain doc prescribed me with "Elavil" to help me sleep. but pharm is closed so i wont have that until tomorrow. for the appointments when i am getting iv and injections, they gave me paperwork with strict rules that i must have a driver or my appointment will be canceled. i havent been driving anywhom, but i especially wont take any chances with all of this going on.

so, this is all i know. they dont have a diagnosis for me since they dont know what pains are related to each other or what caused them. i could go on and on about all of the things i've been going through since what seems to have been the onset in april, as well as new issues that have arisen, but i wont bore you all with the details. i'll try to keep this simple until we know more. pain doc mentioned that if all else fails, then we might discuss the Cleveland Clinic or Mayo. but that ( i believe ) is going to be a last resort kinda thing.

thanks to all of you for the well wishes, love and support you have given me! i really appreciate it! even if i dont write updates or return calls or emails right away, please know that i am thankful for all of you!
take care of you and yours.
be well.
~angela

( i'll try to post an LA update in the next few days! )


*updated* 10 sept 09 at 128p
my appointment for tomorrow (friday 11th) has been rescheduled for monday 14th. also, last night was my first night taking the Elavil for sleep. yeah, it didnt really work. i took it about midnight and was wide awake at 230a. blargh. i was in and out of sleep all night/morning. it is only 10mg and doc said i can take more than 1 if i think i need to... for those of you that know me, i despise taking meds. especially for things that i think should just be natural. i dont have problems going to sleep... i have issues staying asleep through the pain. so, that is my update for now. thanks again for all the well wishes. i'll keep updating as i know more. *hugs*