this was written last night... but i thought i lost it when my computer auto-update-restarted overnight. bothered me all day that i couldnt remember everything to rewrite it (since i was in a post-treatment-zombie-haze when i wrote it about 1a). then as i was just now trying to nap but my tornado of thoughts was keeping me awake, i realized that i used the "edit posts" on my blogger to spell check and it has auto save! so, here it is.
more and more medical leave paperwork. as i have stated before, i am on what my employer is calling "approved medical leave without pay" since i have exhausted all of my paid medical leave (26 weeks worth). i am still "attached" to the company, but they have back-filled my specific job. so when i am able to return to work, i will have to apply online for a job, interview, and be awarded a new position. right now, there are no jobs open. just my luck.
also my luck... i am reading over the information on my "extended disability plan application" and pieced this together:
-i have been on medical leave since may 15, 2009.
-i have been on UNPAID leave since september 15, 2009.
-i am not eligible for extended disability until november 12, 2009.
-extended disability would allow me appox. 50% of my pay.
-per extended disability plan, i am required to also file for social security disability benefits.
medical leave paperwork cover letter noted:
-SS application can take several months.
-advised SS determinations have "entirely different standards" and more than likely i could be denied.
-your disability must be for "a period no less than 12 months"
-i have been off just short of 6 months, and was also sent a letter that states "after you have been on one year of leave and you are unable to return to work and have no impending release to return to work from medical leave you may be separated from the company."
-so, it seems a bit of a waste for me to file for SS disability benefits since
1) i dont meet the minimum requirement of 12 months off and
2) if i did meet the minimum 12 month requirement, i would be off too long to be able to keep my employment status active and would prolly be fired (excuse me, "separated") anyway.
but lets say i AM approved for at least the extended disability through my employer alone. my application is not eligible until november 12, 2009. then i am told it takes an average 60 days to be approved. lets go on the fast side and say it only takes me 30 days. november 12th my application is in. say, december 12th i'm approved. well, on this plan you get paid monthly "on our about the 25th of the month"... they say, that your initial monthly payment will not be until the following month.
the earliest i could possibly get my next paycheck is january 25th, 2010.
so, i have the terrible possibility of being on unpaid leave with no assistance from september 15, 2009 until january 25, 2010. (at the earliest!)
do you see now one of my major stress factors in addition to my health issues? i have, literally, no income. i am not eligible for unemployment or state assistance. (i would like to note that i have never used any form of government assistance and i refuse to, unless absolutely necessary. and i think now is the time i would need it, but i am not eligible.) no income whatsoever. medical bills piling up on top of my regular bills. i really need to get my house sold. i have never had a credit card. still dont. never been in a bankruptcy or foreclosure situation and i am trying my damnedest not to let that happen now.
honestly, i just dont know what else i can do. if anyone has any experience with a similar situation or suggestions, ideas, brainstorms... let me know! i am exhausted with trying to get better AND trying to figure out how this will work. i think the added stress of the paperwork / lack-of-income aspect is so very stressful it may be hindering my healing process, if even a little.
i know that sooo many people are going through sooo many of their own things right now. i am not trying to say my worries or woes are worse than yours. on the same note, i do know that a lot of you are going through, well, a lot... but that shouldnt discount the level of my situation. i hope i am not putting my foot in my mouth here. i just hope that we can all support each other and love each other and get through these miserable things together. i am always here if any of you ever want to write, email, call, text... whatever. i am here for you! i love you all so very much and i just wish we could all live happy, healthy and peacefully. together.
maybe that's just the flower child in me.
take care of you and yours.
be well.
~angela
please note: yes, i am grateful for what i DO have... a roof over my head (currently), medical insurance (currently), LOVING family, friends and canines, and each day that i wake up, alive (yeah, even though i am in pain... i am alive!)
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
15 September 2009
angela medical update after 1st lidocaine iv infusion
first off, thank you to everyone for your well wishes, thoughts, prayers, meditations, and such while i have been going through this miserable medical mystery. i appreciate your support more than i ever get the chance to tell you. thank you.
yesterday was my first round with the lidocaine iv infusion. i think, initially, i was more worried about the procedure than i was about the after-effects. the medical office requires that you have a driver to take you home after the procedure. my sister took me for this appointment. thanks sis, i love you! i got checked in at the front desk and then a nurse came and got me. she took me to this little room with an over-sized medical recliner, a heart monitor, iv stand, and a waiting chair. she had me sign some papers and she explained to me how it works. she was super nice and kinda relaxed me when we started talking about our pets. anywhom, she hooked me up to the heart monitor and explained that once she got the infusion going she would start at the lowest setting and gradually increase the levels depending on how i was doing with it. she got my iv started (she was good! i barely felt a thing!) and set me on the first level. she said that basically i would start to feel like i had one tooo many margaritas. (which is why you need a driver) she sat and talked with me for a few more minutes and since i was doing fine she kicked it up a notch and left me for a bit. the receptionist came back and wanted to know if my sister could sit with me. i said yes, of course. Heather came back and said that she was going to walk around the mall but it was closed that early in the morning. so she sat with me and we chatted. i could tell i was feeling more and more drunk and i kinda had to concentrate on not laughing most of the time. nurse kept checking on me and kicking it up to the next notch. i was really having to focus on talking with Heather... but it was nice to spend some time with her. i love my sister very very much.
eventually the nurse said "now you're at full blast!" yay! i could certainly tell! it was so weird. i mean, i've been drunk before, but i havent drank in a couple of years and just sitting there with the drunk feeling coming over me was odd. she left me at full blast for a while then came in to disconnect me. she said i did well and that the front desk would set me up with another infusion 4 weeks from now. earlier, the nurse had explained to me that the people with the best results after this treatment usually are the ones that go home and do nothing but rest. she said no mowing the lawn or doing laundry or anything like that. she also said that they need me to keep a journal of how i feel from now until my next infusion. she said that i wont feel better right away. she said it will be slowly noticed things... like... i'll notice while standing in line at the bank that it doesnt hurt so much to stand there, or it doesnt take as much out of me to vacuum, or i can wash my hair, tie my shoes, or hold the phone to my ear for longer without so much pain in my hand and arm... and a list of other examples. she said they need me to pay attention to all those sorts of things and journal them.
i checked out and they set me up for another infusion on thursday october 15th. we got out of there and sis took me home. my roommie, Michael, had stayed home to watch my doggies for me. KaiYin specifically since she is only a few days out of her 6th cancer surgery. i got home and c r a s h e d! i didnt just feel drunk at that point... i felt hungover. i felt miserable. my entire body was angry. i fell over on the couch and was attempting to explain to my roommie how it went and i think i just passed out. he let me sleep. i woke up a few hours later, still "hungover". i asked Michael if he could maybe fix some dinner while i showered. he did. my shower wasnt really as relieving as i had hoped. but dinner was yummy! we ate and watched a movie, then i cuddled my doggies on my couch while Michael played online and read his book on his couch. i guess i must have passed out again because i didnt wake until this morning. suppose i needed it though.
and how lovely that i get to wake to dealing with medical bill collectors. really?! the bills they are calling me about are from appointments on 05.11.09 and 06.11.09 ... may and june... it's only september! it's been like 3 months and i am s t i l l on medical leave for the same reason i was then and they are already threatening me with collections?! they say i have 15 days to pay a few thousand dollars IN FULL or they will send me to collections. really?! you people are ass holes. and i realize some people "are just doing their jobs" but you know what? you dont have to be condescending, heartless rocks during our conversation. when i worked for blue cross and blue shield in north carolina i actually got "talked to" by my team leader many times about the fact that i was "helping clients tooo much" (kinda like mr incredible when he was his secret identity bob parr during his day job at the insurance place in the movie "the incredibles"). the way i saw it was, if someone is calling their health insurance company then either they themselves or someone they love has been sick or injured. they are going through enough without having to deal with money and bills. so i always did all i could to help them. we had a $500 cap per client that we, as customer service specialists, could issue to clients without a signature from higher up. so, if i could help someone, even with only $500, i did. anywhom... my deal right now is (primarily) docs and i are still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me and why am i in sooo much pain! yes i realize i owe medical people money, but i'm on medical leave only getting medical pay and I AM paying my copays and percentage insurance at every visit and paying for my prescriptions and gas money driving back and forth ( i'm still not driving but i give gas money to the people that drive me ) keep in mind that i still have to eat and pay rent/mortgage and such... no, i cant pay your thousands of dollars er bills in the next 15 days. sorry. what they fuck do they expect?! gaaa!
-- clip 0:40 - 1:55 --
exhale. sorry about that, folks. this stuff just drives me insane. i am 1,000% grateful that i have a job with benefits and medical leave and medical pay and family and friends that help me when i need it... i am honestly grateful. but i am also worried that docs are still trying to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it and in the meantime my medical leave is almost exhausted but i am still not able to work and i worry about losing my good job and all it's benefits ... oh and i have suffered from depression most of my life, so that's a huge help throughout this ordeal. i am not looking for sympathy or pity or anything like that... sometimes it just helps to vent. even if no one ever reads what i write, it does help to get it out. the only thing about writing that does not help is the fact that my hand hates me for all the typing / writing so i have to do it in spurts.
okay... i have been writing this in between medical bill phone calls. these people are driving me insane. i think i have made/taken my last medical phone call for today. *i need to fax some stuff which means i have to get out of my jammies and out of the house and be seen in public. * blargh. additionally, my cell phone has been acting up. it powers off just whenever it feels like it. i havent been able to notice a pattern. battery is fully charged. anywhom, so i need to get that in to be diagnosed. yay, dealing with more customer service people. phooey. so, if you have sent me texts or called without answer and left voicemails, i am sorry. half the time i pick up my phone and notice it has powered off so i dont know what calls i might be missing that dont leave messages. i did the software upgrade on it this morning, but it doesnt seem to be helping.
*** nice, roommie just got home and said that while he is out running his errands he will fax my junk for me! yay! and i am not sooo concerned about my phone at this moment, so i suppose i will stay in and continue to rest today. that is a relief. ***
this is the current version (remainder) of my medical schedule as i know it to be, right now:
wednesday september 16th i see the pain psychologist for about an hour, then after him i see the occupational therapist who should be giving me a TENS unit i will take home with me.
thursday september 17th i see the pain doc for an "occipital nerve" block injection ( direct injection to the nerve in the lower back right side of my noggin ) as well as "trigger point injections" for the pain spots. yay.
tuesday september 29th i again see the pain psychologist
thursday october 15th lidocaine iv infusion #2
they told me that each time i go in for one specific treatment they will then set up my next appointment for the same treatment to be repeated. so i'll keep you posted as more appointments are made. hopefully they and i know more soon... the not knowing is sometimes the hardest part.
thanks again to all of you for your continued support and understanding.
i love you all oodles and bunches.
be well.
~angela
yesterday was my first round with the lidocaine iv infusion. i think, initially, i was more worried about the procedure than i was about the after-effects. the medical office requires that you have a driver to take you home after the procedure. my sister took me for this appointment. thanks sis, i love you! i got checked in at the front desk and then a nurse came and got me. she took me to this little room with an over-sized medical recliner, a heart monitor, iv stand, and a waiting chair. she had me sign some papers and she explained to me how it works. she was super nice and kinda relaxed me when we started talking about our pets. anywhom, she hooked me up to the heart monitor and explained that once she got the infusion going she would start at the lowest setting and gradually increase the levels depending on how i was doing with it. she got my iv started (she was good! i barely felt a thing!) and set me on the first level. she said that basically i would start to feel like i had one tooo many margaritas. (which is why you need a driver) she sat and talked with me for a few more minutes and since i was doing fine she kicked it up a notch and left me for a bit. the receptionist came back and wanted to know if my sister could sit with me. i said yes, of course. Heather came back and said that she was going to walk around the mall but it was closed that early in the morning. so she sat with me and we chatted. i could tell i was feeling more and more drunk and i kinda had to concentrate on not laughing most of the time. nurse kept checking on me and kicking it up to the next notch. i was really having to focus on talking with Heather... but it was nice to spend some time with her. i love my sister very very much.
eventually the nurse said "now you're at full blast!" yay! i could certainly tell! it was so weird. i mean, i've been drunk before, but i havent drank in a couple of years and just sitting there with the drunk feeling coming over me was odd. she left me at full blast for a while then came in to disconnect me. she said i did well and that the front desk would set me up with another infusion 4 weeks from now. earlier, the nurse had explained to me that the people with the best results after this treatment usually are the ones that go home and do nothing but rest. she said no mowing the lawn or doing laundry or anything like that. she also said that they need me to keep a journal of how i feel from now until my next infusion. she said that i wont feel better right away. she said it will be slowly noticed things... like... i'll notice while standing in line at the bank that it doesnt hurt so much to stand there, or it doesnt take as much out of me to vacuum, or i can wash my hair, tie my shoes, or hold the phone to my ear for longer without so much pain in my hand and arm... and a list of other examples. she said they need me to pay attention to all those sorts of things and journal them.
i checked out and they set me up for another infusion on thursday october 15th. we got out of there and sis took me home. my roommie, Michael, had stayed home to watch my doggies for me. KaiYin specifically since she is only a few days out of her 6th cancer surgery. i got home and c r a s h e d! i didnt just feel drunk at that point... i felt hungover. i felt miserable. my entire body was angry. i fell over on the couch and was attempting to explain to my roommie how it went and i think i just passed out. he let me sleep. i woke up a few hours later, still "hungover". i asked Michael if he could maybe fix some dinner while i showered. he did. my shower wasnt really as relieving as i had hoped. but dinner was yummy! we ate and watched a movie, then i cuddled my doggies on my couch while Michael played online and read his book on his couch. i guess i must have passed out again because i didnt wake until this morning. suppose i needed it though.
and how lovely that i get to wake to dealing with medical bill collectors. really?! the bills they are calling me about are from appointments on 05.11.09 and 06.11.09 ... may and june... it's only september! it's been like 3 months and i am s t i l l on medical leave for the same reason i was then and they are already threatening me with collections?! they say i have 15 days to pay a few thousand dollars IN FULL or they will send me to collections. really?! you people are ass holes. and i realize some people "are just doing their jobs" but you know what? you dont have to be condescending, heartless rocks during our conversation. when i worked for blue cross and blue shield in north carolina i actually got "talked to" by my team leader many times about the fact that i was "helping clients tooo much" (kinda like mr incredible when he was his secret identity bob parr during his day job at the insurance place in the movie "the incredibles"). the way i saw it was, if someone is calling their health insurance company then either they themselves or someone they love has been sick or injured. they are going through enough without having to deal with money and bills. so i always did all i could to help them. we had a $500 cap per client that we, as customer service specialists, could issue to clients without a signature from higher up. so, if i could help someone, even with only $500, i did. anywhom... my deal right now is (primarily) docs and i are still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me and why am i in sooo much pain! yes i realize i owe medical people money, but i'm on medical leave only getting medical pay and I AM paying my copays and percentage insurance at every visit and paying for my prescriptions and gas money driving back and forth ( i'm still not driving but i give gas money to the people that drive me ) keep in mind that i still have to eat and pay rent/mortgage and such... no, i cant pay your thousands of dollars er bills in the next 15 days. sorry. what they fuck do they expect?! gaaa!
-- clip 0:40 - 1:55 --
exhale. sorry about that, folks. this stuff just drives me insane. i am 1,000% grateful that i have a job with benefits and medical leave and medical pay and family and friends that help me when i need it... i am honestly grateful. but i am also worried that docs are still trying to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it and in the meantime my medical leave is almost exhausted but i am still not able to work and i worry about losing my good job and all it's benefits ... oh and i have suffered from depression most of my life, so that's a huge help throughout this ordeal. i am not looking for sympathy or pity or anything like that... sometimes it just helps to vent. even if no one ever reads what i write, it does help to get it out. the only thing about writing that does not help is the fact that my hand hates me for all the typing / writing so i have to do it in spurts.
okay... i have been writing this in between medical bill phone calls. these people are driving me insane. i think i have made/taken my last medical phone call for today. *
*** nice, roommie just got home and said that while he is out running his errands he will fax my junk for me! yay! and i am not sooo concerned about my phone at this moment, so i suppose i will stay in and continue to rest today. that is a relief. ***
this is the current version (remainder) of my medical schedule as i know it to be, right now:
wednesday september 16th i see the pain psychologist for about an hour, then after him i see the occupational therapist who should be giving me a TENS unit i will take home with me.
thursday september 17th i see the pain doc for an "occipital nerve" block injection ( direct injection to the nerve in the lower back right side of my noggin ) as well as "trigger point injections" for the pain spots. yay.
tuesday september 29th i again see the pain psychologist
thursday october 15th lidocaine iv infusion #2
they told me that each time i go in for one specific treatment they will then set up my next appointment for the same treatment to be repeated. so i'll keep you posted as more appointments are made. hopefully they and i know more soon... the not knowing is sometimes the hardest part.
thanks again to all of you for your continued support and understanding.
i love you all oodles and bunches.
be well.
~angela
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