For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. ~Angela Pearl

11 August 2009

update, for now...

hey there punks and kittens~~
when i started this page i had the best of intentions of posting all the time. well, life happens, and i havent been able to post as often as i wanted. i've got quite a bit going on, so i'll just give a quick outline... in no particular order...

KaiYin had another biopsy on the mass i found about 6 months ago and this time they did find cancer cells in the mass. she is scheduled for surgery september 9th. 9-9-09 hopefully will be lucky for all of us. she is my baby girl and i dont know what i would ever do without her. this will be surgery #6 for her. i know some people think i am crazy. i've spent (very roughly) about $10,000 on all of her surgeries combine. "she's just a dog" is not part of my being. she has not yet been physically sick or aware that she is sick... so the fact that i can find these masses and catch them when they are small and they can be removed, well, i'll do all i can for her. thanks to those of you that have sent well wishes to us. i'll keep you posted as we find out more.

the garage sale we had this past weekend at ma's house went okay. friday was a very decent day. saturday was nothing but rain and trying to get the tarps to stay up against the wind and rain. i think we actually had more traffic the day of the rain... but we had a lot of stuff covered with tarps so there werent as many sales. that sucked. sunday cleared up to be a hot but beautiful day. however, we barely had any customers. we had 4 families in the sale and i think overall we made about $1500. i only made about $115. but it's more than i started with... and i finally got rid of my old entertainment center. that was a big relief. still have a bunch of garage sale leftovers. if you or someone you know might be interested, get with me and we'll work something out.

my medical stuff is still a nightmare. i have been on medical leave for almost 13 weeks now. in the first 52 days they gave me 12 different prescriptions. i despise taking pills... and luckily, i am not on them right now. but that is only because they cant figure anything out so they dont know what to do with me. most of you know that i have been struggling a great deal with my neurologist to file my medical leave paperwork in a timely manner. he is terrible. i have had my benefits and pay suspended multiple times because he cant seem to fill out and send in paperwork / medical records when they are due. now, i know some people think, "he's a neurologist and you are not his only patient." i know this. i also know that he told me i did not need an appointment to get my bloodwork results, he said call back in 4 days and we could discuss it over the phone, and that he did in fact have the results on the 4th day, but because he still had not signed them for 19 days ( ! ) none of his nurses could give me the results. it took me driving over an hour one-way to his hospital and speaking with his office manager (after i made 29 calls in 19 days to his office) before i finally got my results. then they said his schedule is booked out by 2 months and i cant see him again until august 13th. what the fuck?! keep in mind, he has not started any treatments for me. so it's not like "hey, lets try this and see you back in 2 months" nothing. his assistant said "well, he doesnt have you on my 'urgent' list so lets just assume that no news is good news." no, lets not. i know that i am in constant pain and that i have been to multiple specialists for multiple tests and that nothing has been figured out. my employer doesnt want to hear that i am off simply to wait for my next appointment. they (and i) want me to be off because i am undergoing treatment to get better and well enough to return to my everyday life and work. i have requested a new / different neurologist but i have been told i have to wait to complete this august 13th appointment with current neuro before i can get a different one. i have been in a lot of pain and it gets really VERY intolerable sometimes so i finally just went back to my primary care and asked if they could suggest anything else. she is referring me to the spinal institute. i've been waiting about 2 weeks to get in there.

for those of you that dont know what has been going on, here are my "issues":
it started with sudden onset pain in my left arm. they thought maybe a blood clot but never found one.

severe pain (not headache) in the lower, back, right-hand side of my head.
pain throughout my arms, shoulders, neck and lower/back of my head.
(including frequent numbness)
tremors in my arms and legs
weakness / pain in my arms and hands (all the time)
loss of balance.
muffled hearing - mostly in my right ear (kinda like i am underwater).
vision is fine, i passed my vision test 20/20 but i am seeing little floating "spark-like" things and my right eye gets painful quite often.
loss of focus. i cant really concentrate when someone is talking for too long or if i am reading or writing for too long. (so i'm not driving unless necessary)
slight memory loss.

my blood levels are elevated and they are not sure why. i've had the same tests run 4 times.
i've had vascular and arterial ultrasounds in my arms and chest area, brain and spinal MRIs, surface and needle EMGs, and tons of bloodwork and tons of meds.

anywhom... my next neuro appointment is this thursday august 13th (also my twin's and my birthday). i'm trying to think positive thoughts that something good will happen. i'll keep you updated.

what else?
i am putting my house up for sale. for real, hopefully soon. i have had it for sale by owner, but no luck. i think i'm gonna need a realtor. currently my sister and her kids are living there while she gets on her feet from her divorce this year. but my place was only a temporary fix for them, so she is looking for something more permanent and i am looking to get out from under the mortgage. really, i am willing to sell it for what i owe, just to get out of it. hope something happens soon.

when my hand / arm is being cooperative, i am trying to work on etsy projects as much as possible. i have not posted anything for sale just yet. i am trying to get a handful of pieces in stock in the case i might actually get some orders! i need to make money somehow. medical pay is obviously less than my regular pay, but i have not been getting paid on a regular basis since my neurologist has not been filing the paperwork properly. yeah, so, i'll post my storefront soon ~~ but in the meantime, you can learn more what it's about at

i've been having a pretty torrid affair with twitter. it's just an easy site to post thoughts and updates in real-time without the headache of all the profile junk (like myspace and facebook). this is me if you want to keep track. there is also a link on my sidebar, on this page, that shows my most recent 5 updates. if you get or have a twitter account, send me your link!

my baby beast (jeep) is still parked. not only because i am not really driving right now... but also because she is sickly and i dont know what is wrong. if anyone knows anything about automotive repairs - jeeps in particular - please let me know! my friend matt did some work on her a few months ago after the deer jumped out in front of me. it had been fine, but the last time i drove it, it went crazy and i dont know what is wrong.

well, i'm gonna post this and get on with my day. it's taken me a few hours to put this all together since my hand doenst have much stamina right now. (so much for a "quick outline", huh?!)

i miss you and love you all!
be well.

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