For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in you...like each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. ~Angela Pearl
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14 January 2010

update regarding meeting with bad neurologist about medical leave denial

oh this is all just such a mess. i went to see my previous neurologist, dr mahmood, at borgess today. i wanted to discuss with him the fact that his documentation and lack of medical records was the reason my medical leave extension was denied. i wanted to ask him if he could please correct this.

sis went with me to be my witness. i tried to voice record with my phone, but i kept losing service and the phone shut off. oh well. i got there. checked in a few minutes early. got called back. and dr mahmood's evil nurse, mary, weighed me in and took my vitals. this was confusing to me since i was just there for a meeting to talk about medical leave paperwork... but i played along. then she asked me some "new patient" kind of info which, again, i thought was odd. asked me allergies and such... even though they should have all of that already. then evil nurse mary asked me why i was there. i calmly showed her the paperwork discrepancies, and told her that i would like to speak with dr mahmood directly to get this taken care of. she jumped me right away. "you and i have already had this conversation, months ago." and she went on and on telling me that they sent everything they had to my employer and if my employer is saying they dont have it then they are lying. i told her that yes, she and i did talk about this many times before, but that was all while i was trying to get the medical leave application filed. i said since then, with the conflicting and incomplete documentations that dr mahmood gave them, now i have been denied medical leave and i am on the verge of losing my job. i would just like to talk with dr mahmood myself and give him the chance to correct this situation before i lose my job. mary was not havin' it. she asked how i got in there. i said i made an appointment. she said "did the office manager pull strings to get you in here today?" (do they have a mugshot of me and i'm not allowed in?!) i said no one pulled any strings. i simply called the front desk and made an appointment. i also left 3 voicemails last week for 3 different people (and named them) and told them why i was coming in today. no one called me back. i kept my cool though. she said she would make copies of the papers i gave her, talk to the dr and be right back.

while she was gone sis and i talked and i just kept trying to stay calm. i was so nervous. sis and i noticed it seemed to be taking forever. then the door opened. it was a lady i hadnt seen before. she said that she would be mediating the situation. she said that dr mahmood knows i am upset and is not comfortable coming in and speaking with me. what?! i said yes, i am upset, but i'm not going to attack him or anything. geesh. i just want to talk to him about this and give him the chance to fix this before i lose my job. she said that unfortunately the administrative manager was not in the office today. she explained that she was just another nurse type of person, and she was asked to come in and get me to sign a release and ask me to leave. she said she would pass along any message to the admin and hopefully someone would get back to me soon. she was very nervous. she said that dr mahmood wanted me to know that since he couldnt do anything for me, he released me as his patient in august and there was no reason for me to be there now. i said, well, the thing is, i dont believe it wasnt that he couldnt do anything for me. i think that after all of his incompetence over the course of my being his patient, and i didnt just take it from him, i came into the office and asked to be treated fairly and properly, the office manager had a talk with dr mahmood and his nurse mary. my next (and last) appointment, mary came in and said she was asked to apologize to me for everything that happened. dr mahmood then said he didnt feel there was anything he could do to treat me, and said he would release me back to my primary care. i told the mediating nurse today that i felt like it wasnt that he couldnt help me, it was that i caused a commotion and he got rid of me.

evil nurse mary opened the door and said that she just talked with admin and they would be calling me this afternoon. mary left, but left the door open.

i was remembering that in august, when mary got in trouble, i got a phone call from someone else in neurology. she said she does not work with dr mahmood, but she has been hearing about my situation and thought she should call. she said that the majority of my medical records have been lost, and they dont know what to do about it, so they are doing nothing. she only gave me her first name and said she could lose her job over this, but she felt badly for me. i wrote down everything she told me. she and i even faxed back and forth and she was trying to scavenge up some paperwork to help me out.

i asked this mediation nurse if she could close the door again. she said, well, they are in the hallway and want to hear our conversation. how fucking lame! really?! so, she said i need you to sign this and someone will call you later. i was like, i aint signin' nothin'! but she explained to me it was just a request/release for me to get my medical records. i read over it and signed and dated it. i told her i have been asking for my medical records for months and months and why are they only now letting me have them? she didnt know.

i was pleasantly surprised when my sis jumped in. she asked the significance of the fact that i have multiple letters in dr mahmoods hand-writing that state i am unable to work due to disability. good nurse looked nervous. she just put the letter copies on the top of the pile, put her hand on them, and said "these are legitimate." as she got up to walk out of the room, i stayed seated. she turned and was kinda like, c'mon. i asked, "am i waiting for you to get my records now?" and she said no, they would prolly mail them to me, but that admin would call me and anything after today would have to go thru admin. i said well, i live an hour away, and i would really like to take my records with me now. she said she would check, but asked us to wait in the hall waiting area. so sis and i had a seat down the hall.

i told sis i was kinda surprised she spoke up. she said she had a lot more to ask/say, but she realized we werent getting anywhere. i started going thru my paperwork looking for the name of the nurse i had talked to in august that was trying to secretly help me. found it. same first name. that's what i thought. and that is prolly why she was so nervous. evil nurse mary was on vacation the week i talked with good nurse, so i dont think mary ever knew about it. i know i never mentioned it. so, i think good nurse was freaking when she was randomly thrown in as mediator today. she might have been afraid i was going to rat her out. but i didnt.

good nurse came back, and said that medical records dept was in a meeting or something and that they would gather my stuff later and mail it to me. i said, i dont want them using the "it must have been lost in the mail" so i would prefer to come back and pick them up in person. she said she understood, but it is out of her hands and i could talk to admin when they call me this afternoon.

then she kinda looked up and down the hall, and pulled sis and i to a side room. she said that way no one could overhear us talking. i told her that i really appreciated her helping (didnt mention that i thought i knew she had helped me before) and that i am not frustrated with her personally. i told her that she might want to relay the message that i have talked with 2 lawyers, and both of them believe i have a case, but both of them also suggested i contact the doctor, myself, and give him the opportunity to correct this situation. if he isnt willing to right what he did wrong, then i could talk legal action. she tried to console me, we talked a bit more. then sis and i left. it was maybe 1130a.

all day... not one single phone call from anyone in dr mahmood's office. go figure. i called just before 5p. hoping i would catch the admin, but i got the answering service. (voicemail only during business hours then answering service after hours) answering service kindly took my info and said it would be given to patty first thing when she gets to the office in the morning.

so, i will give her until lunch time tomorrow (friday). if i dont hear anything, i will call in the afternoon. if i get her voicemail and dont get to talk with her myself, i will leave her a message that says if i do not hear from her by the end of business friday, i will be at her office first thing, 8a, monday morning. i have done this in the past. and more than once i have had to show up in person to get any attention.

hell, when i had bloodwork done at one point, dr mahmood told me that the results should be back in 4 days. i asked if i needed an appointment to get the results. he said no, just call the office and we can tell you over the phone what the results are and we will discuss where to go from there. i called. and called. i called 29 times in 19 days and still did not get the results or return phone calls. finally i showed up. i was told that nurse mary has my results, but that dr mahmood did not sign them before he left the country for 3 weeks so they could not release my results. even as i sat there, in person, they would not give me my bloodwork results. i wont delve back into all of that. but you can see this has been a miserable dr-patient relationship. in the meantime, i am still sick and in pain and havent been paid since september and now on the verge of losing my job. all because of him. so, yeah, i think i have every right to be upset. and i think he needs to be a fucking man and stand up and make this right. are you kidding me?! he cant even be man enough to sit in the same room and have an adult conversation about this?! gaaa! i am beyond frustrated! i vent outside of the dr office, but i have maintained a very civil decorum thru this entire ordeal. people keep saying "kill 'em with kindness" and "dont get upset or angry when you talk to them or they wont help"... what the chicken?! they havent helped yet?! how long am i suppose to be kind and civil? how long do i wait before blowing up? do i have to actually get fired just to be "allowed" to get pissed off?! *for now* i will stay as calm as i can. i will be civil and try to keep enough cool to get what i need to make this right. but i still think i should have every right to throw a tantrum. but that's just me.

whew! that was forever long! if you made it this far, i thank you for your time and patience with my ventilation rant. sometimes i just need to get this junk out. thank you for all of your positive thoughts, prayers, vibes, well wishes... etc. i really do appreciate it more than i can put into words. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

most of you know i'm not really a "religious person" (whatever that means nowadays). anywhom... for years now i have carried a coin with me wherever i go. i have more than one of the same coin. they are all over my house so that i always have one. i originally bought a bunch of them when my very dear friend lost his father. his father had been sober for 22 years when he passed. aa was a huge part of his life. "one day at a time" had a very deep meaning. well, i was at a shop one day and saw a bunch of coins on the counter. they all had different sayings and prayers. one said "one day at a time" and i flipped it over to find the serenity prayer. i knew this was a big deal in aa. i bought a bunch of them, and gave them to my friend shortly after his dad's funeral. i kept some for myself as well. i have never read the bible. i couldnt tell you much about anything to do with the bible really. but i know the serenity prayer. and i carry this with me and even though i may not always seem like i take it with much consideration, it really does mean something to me. and i really do want to live my life with that "motto". i will keep trying. one day at a time.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

i love you all.
be well.
~angela

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