For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. Love with all you have in each day is the last. Always leave your partner with loving words and a kiss...and greet each other the same way. Cuddle as you fall to sleep...even if you stray in the night. Set your alarm 5 minutes early so that you can cozy up before starting your day. Sit on the same side of the booth in restaurants. Hide love notes for the other to find. Smile at each other. Hold Hands. Hug. Kiss. Touch...even if it's just hands passing in the hall or your foot to his foot in the middle of the night as you reposition in your sleep. It's the little things that mean the most. Whisper goodnight, sweet dreams and kiss him even if he's already sleeping. For those of you fortunate enough to have Love in your life...don't take it for granted. ~Angela Pearl

14 July 2009

small medical update

*warning... this kinda goes off on a bit of a tangent... just so ya know...

**also, just so you know, all of my posts on here wont be depressing... i've just been going through a lot lately. thanks for understanding.

in 12 hours i will be on my way to yet another new specialist for yet another series of tests. this dr is an immunologist. and go figure, my neurologist that ordered these tests is out of the country for 2 full weeks. this neuro is really getting on my nerves! his assistant JUST called to tell me this 2 days before my appointment that he would be out of the country. lovely, huh? i feel like i am being pushed aside and ignored. neuro's assistant said, "well, dr doesnt have you on my urgent list. so lets just assume no news is good news." FUCK NO! I AM IN PAIN! i have put in a request for a new / different neuro but i doubt the hospital will do anything about it. it's been 84 days since this painful onset. i am not at all afraid to speak my mind... especially when it comes to my health and well-being. i'm not afraid of doctors. i will say what needs to be said because i want to make sure i am being treated right. i know i can be straight-forward... but that is what i want from a doctor, as well. i'm straight-forward with you, you better be straight with me. if you cant figure me out and treat / fix me... admit it as soon as you have doubts so i can find someone that is capable and willing to take care of me. my only medical fear is the unknown.

it took me about 9 years, countless tests and doctors, 3 different state medical boards, petitions, and 3 exploratory surgeries, before i finally found a dr that believed my "female pains" were not "just cramps" and gave me a hysterectomy. fuck, it got to the point i was taking a $600 injection every 3 weeks that was a medication for men with prostate cancer! ($600 out of my pocket, after insurance, per injection!)

my current neuro told me that it would take 4 days to get my previous bloodwork back. i specifically asked him if i would need to make and appointment to get the results (i have a witness). dr said, no. told me to call him on the 4th day and we could discuss the next step over the phone. when i called on the 4th day, his assistant told me that she gave dr my results but he had to sign-off on them before i could get them. well, i called the office 29 times in 19 days before i finally broke down, drove an hour to the neuro office, asked for the office manager, and finally got my results. that is fucking ridiculous! in the meantime, i was under no treatment. i still am under no treatment! so while i am waiting for docs to get around to my case, i am still in pain and suffering. i am still not working. not driving unless absolutely necessary. no lifting. over-exertion... blah blah blah. yet i am STILL in pain. every single day. now, i am going to see this immunologist tomorrow for a 2 hour session of tests. it sounds like allergy testing, but the receptionist is kinda giving me the run-around about it. they said neuro wants immunologist to do an allergy workup since my blood levels have been on a steady incline. but they said "dont mix apples with oranges. this is no necessarily what is causing the pain and weakness in your limbs nor does it probably have anything to do with the nerve issues and pain in your head. neurologist just wants to run more tests before he starts treatment for the physical pains." really? that's great. take your time why dontchya. i know they are trying to sound all thorough and such... but i'm not falling for it. i think it's laziness. i feel like it is. it took me making a 2 hour round-trip drive and asking for the office manager after almost 30 unreturned phone calls before i got MY test results that i was told were in fact complete at the time of my first call. gaaa! oh.. and get this! they told me that if i have any "specific or acute pains that cant be tolerated, go directly to the er." really?! because i went to your er 3 times in 2 weeks and they keep saying they dont know what it is and i should prolly consult my family dr to see a specialist. FUCK! in the meantime, i am running out of medical leave at work, i'm sure my boss is running low on patience with my time off, and i am flat broke. i mean, i'm getting my medical pay (not on a regular basis) but it doesnt much matter when i'm racking up the medical bills. ya know? and to top it all off, i get these tests run tomorrow, july 15th... but i am told that neurologist isn't going to see me until august 13th!!! what the fuck?!?! *side note, august 13th is my birthday. and what a day it'll be, i'm sure.

okay, i'm going to end this rant for now. sorry if i got out of control here. i just get so flippin' frustrated with the healthcare system. i used to work for blue cross and blue shield of north carolina and i made sure i was pleasant and helpful in every way possible. i mean, think about it, if someone is calling a dr or health insurance place, it is most likely because they or someone close to them is not well. be compassionate. have a heart. be human. how would you want your family member(s) to be treated? how would YOU want to be treated? be nice to people. if you dont like working with people, then dont get in a profession where you need to be a people-person. simple as that. shit, i used to say that when i worked in a damn restaurant. "if you dont want to serve people, dont be a server." i would yell it in the back of the kitchen i managed, when i saw servers standing around.

for serious, this rant is to be continued. i will try to keep it tame. i'm just getting frustrated.
in the meantime...
thanks SOOO much for all of you that have sent well wishes, love, prayers, thoughts, chants, all of it my way!

i love you all oodles and bunches.
take care of you and yours.
be well.

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